The Battle of Shaker Heights Page #3

Where do I start?

[Bart]

I can't do anything about yourJeep...

but I can probably

find you another hat.

Oh. What?

Very impressive, man.

My dad's really

into collecting.

What the hell?

- What's this?

- That's Grant's field flask.

Never went into battle

without it.

You know what? Your dad

should really meet my history teacher.

That guy sent me

up the river today...

for questioning his G-rated

interpretation of the Civil War.

Here. Take this.

That'll shut him up.

- Stonewall Jackson's.

- What?

My dad's got so much junk

crammed in here he doesn't even notice

when it's missing.

Before this it was

antique duck decoys.

Ah, here it is.

[Clears Throat]

I think it was

Montgomery's.

- It's yours now.

- You're serious?

- Yeah.

- [Man] Bart? Bart?

- Hey, Dad. I was just, um...

- Hmm.

showing Kelly

some of your pieces.

- He's really into this stuff.

- Oh.

Yeah.

Is-Is that a field stool

from the New York Third?

- My great-great-grandfather

was in the New York Third.

- That's amazing.

Kelly.

Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

It's a pleasure.

- Knowledgeable young man.

- That's right.

You know, I used to share

your fascination for all things military.

Yeah, I can see.

Lately, though, I've been exploring a

somewhat lighter side of human culture.

Come on.

Um, I know I don't have to tell you,

but put everything back as you found it.

The origin of nesting dolls

is shrouded in mystery.

Some say the oldest

are from China.

Still others say Japan.

I don't have any of those,

but the ones I do have are from Russia...

and the Russians perfected

the art of nesting dolls.

This particular one here,

this is the crown jewel of my collection.

It has 13 levels...

going all the way down

to the teeny tiniest...

the baby, Ruby.

Ruby. Huh.

Yeah. It's silly. I call her Ruby, because

if you look closely at her two little eyes...

they look like rubies.

My little Ruby baby.

Whoa!

Oh, good God.

We should have just taken the damn hat.

We'll get you one.

Ah. I got...

I have to get a flashlight.

- So why'd you let someone take it?

- My hat?

Oh, I didn't let anybody take it.

I just mouthed off to the wrong person.

- Sounds like your mouth

gets you in trouble a lot.

- It does.

Is Mom here?

I need to go over the music with her.

Does it look like Mom's here?

Your mom went shopping.

She'll be back in about an hour.

- Tabby, have you met

Bart's new friend, Kelly?

- Hi.

- [Mutters]

- Whatever you do,

do not give him any money.

- Hey, shut up.

- Hey, you shut up.

He's wanted in three states.

That's funny. We're paying attention

to you now. Ya happy?

I'm really happy.

I'm gonna go take a bath.

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