The Bachelor Page #6

No? Then we'll talk

about the conditions.

What is this, Brewster's Millions?

- Throw 'em at us!

- You and me both!

Keep it down!

Now, you moron.

Now's the time you can come in on me.

Come on!

The conditions are...

that he gets married...

that, to guarantee that the union...

isn't some shabby scam...

he and his wife remain married

for at least ten years...

- Ten years?

- one, zero...

spending no more than

one night apart each month...

and that within five years...

they produce

genetically verifiable offspring!

- I'd like to leave my grandson...

- No way.

with one final thought.

Jimmie boy...

if you don't get married...

before 6:
05 p.m....

on your 30th birthday...

that was the time

you came into this world...

you're gonna get cut off...

without a goddamn cent and f...

I think we get the gist.

So when is the wedding?

oh, no.

The night we saw you

at the showroom...

you were on your way to...

The Starlight Room?

That was you?

Yep. That's right.

I defiled the Starlight Room.

And you know what?

I'm glad.

Forget the Starlight Room!

Besides, I am gonna marry Anne.

I just have to reconcile myself

to the idea of marriage, that's all.

Well, you'd better start reconciling.

Your birthday is soon, right? Next week?

No, it's not next week.

Thank God.

It's tomorrow.

It's set. Gluckman got us the licenses

and my Uncle Gus lent me a limo.

Let's get the lady next door.

She can play the organ.

You think it's easy settin' up a wedding

in an hour and a half?

You're lucky the priest at

my grandmother's nursing home was free.

Yeah, well, there are limits.

What kind of dumb b*tch

lets Leonardo DiCaprio drown?

What are you babbling about?

She gets a great guy like that

and lets him slip through her fingers.

Natalie, mind your own business.

I'm just thinking out loud.

He probably just tossed her up on

that piece of wood and said, "You win".

There's the priest.

- What do you feel right now?

- Well...

Get over it!

You're marrying the woman you love

and inheriting a fortune.

It's not like you're meeting

the Grim Reaper.

Jimmie Shannon?

I've come for you.

- Bye.

- Hey, what's that smell?

You're wearing his aftershave,

aren't you?

No. It's probably some just left

on the sweater or something.

Right. Yeah.

Have fun at Mom and Dad's.

I'm really sorry that I can't be there

for all the anniversary stuff.

Yeah, I can see

how heartbroken you are.

Bye.

So, how's my grandmother?

Should I tell her

about the money?

Are you kidding me?

You're thinking of not?

Do you really want to

start your marriage off with a lie?

No, but she's gonna kill me

if I tell her.

Anybody would.

Your call, man.

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