The Bachelor Page #5

proposal?

- I heard about it from my dentist.

- Excuse me?

My wife told me that story

last night.

- Son of a b*tch insulted Barry White.

- That was a woman singing, you idiot.

My analyst couldn't stop mentioning it.

It's a bunch of crap, if you ask me.

Who was there, you or me?

My best friend's

stepsister's cousin...

was the maitre 'd.

You should know, Jimmie.

Your proposal, it's become

an instant urban legend.

I'd hate to think what happens

if this gets back to my grandfather.

Amen.

They said he had no pulse,

no brain waves, nothing.

Then he opened his eyes...

sat straight up

and called the doctor a scum-sucker.

After death?

Is that possible?

They said it was a reflex.

How you holding up?

That's funny.

He was a difficult guy. I don't

know anyone that actually liked him.

But he was the only family

I had left.

Jimmie, can I see you a second?

Well...

he's with God now.

Any chance you could come

to the office tomorrow morning?

- Yeah. Is anything wrong?

- No, not at all.

As you know, I'm executor

of your grandfather's will.

He videotaped it a few years back.

Very hush-hush.

Guess we oughta take a look.

I'll be there.

Human condi...

Can I have a minute, please?

Alone?

Thank you.

I'm sorry about your granddad.

These are beautiful.

okay. I just wanted

to tell you I was sorry.

Where are you going?

Gonna go...

water my apartment.

So, where does that leave us?

Let's just say

the door's not closed.

So it's open.

No.

It's ajar.

okay, so I'm at

this mystery door.

What if I push it open?

Can't be pushed.

How about if I knock?

If it's a nice knock,

I might answer.

You can close that door

behind you.

Before I read

my last will and testament...

I just want to make

one or two observations...

to them who whatsoever

should be listening.

I'm now old...

and one day you too

are gonna be old...

and you'll spend

half your time sleepin'...

and the other half eatin'.

That was delicious.

And then you'll die.

Ever the gentleman.

Don't shush me.

- Guys.

- l, James Shannon the first...

What the hell are you doin'?

Who told you to zoom in?

Back off!

oh, for Pete's sake.

I hereby bequeath

my entire estate...

- "Estate".

- to my grandson...

James Shannon the third.

That's a few thousand shares...

and quite a large stake...

in USDA cows.

Stake.

Yeah, well, that's...

No pun intended.

Thanks to the exemplary eating habits

of my fellow Americans...

my entire net worth today...

is just over...

a hundred million dollars.

That is a pretty hefty piece...

of "boof borgeegnon".

Yeah.

Breathe, fellas.

You want me to rewind?

Do you want me to pause?

okay.

A hundred million dollars.

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