The Aristocrats Page #3

doing the John Coltrane version of "it. "

This joke was a joy for comics to tell mainly | because it was such a foul chunk of time

that you could just be describing | the most foul "things. "

There's nothing you could come up with | that would be "wrong. "

A blank slate, and you get to "play. "

You get to "play. "

How many new things could you think of | to make this group of people bizarre?

Whether it's a shuffleboard | up a nice animal's behind,

or whether people are swimming in "manure. "

A young girl comes on stage singing | Nearer My God To Thee

while juggling "torches. "

These are my two children - they pass gas to | the tune of What A Wonderful World, in "unison. "

One of the sons is playing a xylophone | with his "cock. "

A midget uncle with three d*cks | coming out of his "head. "

I come out, dressed as Hitler, | in crotchless "panties. "

I am catching the ping pong balls | and I am catching them in my "ass. "

He comes on my wife's "tits. " We wait | till it hardens and I chip it off with a "chisel. "

- Six midgets come "out... " | - They have sex in a kiddie pool,

full of beef entrails and aborted "foetuses. "

Little midgets, they all start coming, one by "one. "

And shoot thousands of jism | into hundred-dollar "seats. "

You know how the fountains at the Bellagio | are coordinated?

That was what these guys pulled "off. "

My grandmother, on the stage, has an "abortion. "

Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland "pony. "

The kids are Siamese twins, | attached at the "ass. "

My grandfather is the "jockey. " | Comes in third and paid "280."

The Siamese twins give each other | reach-arounds and jerk each other "off. "

I don't know whether the object is to be | as offensive as possible

or whether use it judiciously in the right places | as a build-up to the punch "line. "

I like to explain how to tell the joke - | you already heard the "joke. "

So when you wanna tell the joke | you have to make sure it's really "filthy. "

Guy goes into a talent agent's and says, | "I've have the greatest "act. "

"What's the act?" That's all you gotta "memorise. "

You can ad-lib, right up to the punch "line. " | All you gotta do is remember one "word. "

I always make it up, every time I tell it, | something "different. "

They would be naked, | something to do with "peeing. "

We're high-flying trapeze performers, | we fly over the audience doing triple "gainers. "

We piss over the first three "rows. "

Include "faeces. "

Takes a crap on stage, jumps in the pile of "sh*t. "

They take a big group "sh*t. "

The women slide on their asses | all the way up through this "sh*t. "

We just roll around in the "sh*t. "

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