The 40-Year-Old Virgin Page #4

---

I wanna get you laid, dude.

I understand

what's going on.

You guys are so up your asses.

From now on,

your dick is my dick.

I'm getting you some p*ssy.

[men laughing]

A bag of sand! Come on, man!

You could do better than that.

God, me so horny?

Me so stupid!

[yelling]

Oh, come on.

[laughing]

It's gonna be fine.

They don't even remember.

Those guys are cool.

[alarm buzzing]

This is gonna be bad.

(Andy)

Yeah, well,

virgin's not a dirty word.

You know what's a dirty word,

is a**hole...

and that's what you guys are.

You know,

I may not have had sex,

but I could f*** you up.

Yeah.

Come on.

Hey, David.

Hey, Andy.

What's up?

Cal, good morning.

(Haziz)

Hey, Andy.

Hey.

We're gonna have to get you

some punani.

[both guffawing]

Andy, it's going down,

partner. We're gonna be...

[moaning]

This for you, partner,

this for you.

Waves of them coming at you

on Friday, Saturday.

By Sunday,

your nuts gonna be drained.

Hey, Andy, don't let him

bother you. It's okay

not to have sex.

Not everybody

is a p*ssy magnet.

What are you? 25?

I'm 40.

Holy sh*t, man.

You've got to get on that.

Life isn't about sex.

Life is about children

and passion.

Yeah.

And spirit.

Yeah, life's about passion.

It's not about f***ing

and balls and p*ssy.

It's about love.

It's about people.

It's about connection.

It's all about connections.

It's not about cock

and ass and tits

and butthole pleasures.

It's not about

butthole pleasures at all.

It's not about

this rusty trombone

and dirty Sanchez.

Please stop.

And Cincinnati bowtie.

And your p*ssy juice cocktail

and this sh*t-stained balls.

Mooj, just please stop.

Just relax...

All right.

That's enough, party's over.

Let the virgin

get back to work.

Andy!

Andy, come on.

We were just kidding.

Pointless.

Andy, nobody cares

that you're a virgin.

Don't be such a baby.

They were just having fun.

They didn't mean anything.

Get away from me, David.

Wait a minute.

Stop following me!

Hold up.

Hold on.

I'm gonna have to

quit my job now.

You don't have to

quit your job.

You know what, I don't wanna

go out with you guys.

Fine.

Okay? I don't need your help.

Okay, fine, you don't

have to go out with us

if you don't want.

You know what,

I respect women,

I love women.

I respect them so much

that I completely

stay away from them.

Okay.

I have a very fulfilling life.

[playing]

And now, I am making

your silver pants blue.

Get some roadburn, come on!

Come on, sucker!

Now, pretty ladies

around the world

Got a weird thing

to show you

[laughing]

Oh, my God!

Hey, Will and Grace,

back to work.

Hey, Haziz, can you just

give us a second?

Rate this script:2.0 / 1 vote