ThanksKilling Page #2

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So what, Darren?

Like, what's your point?

You, you're trying to

tell me that you don't know what

Crawberg is?

Okay, guys, it's time for me to

fill you in on one of the most

notorious moments in pilgrim

history.

Back in the 1500s, in the

settlement of Crawberg, an old

Indian by the name of

feather cloud, who some people

thought had black magic powers,

was dishonored by a pilgrim.

Oh, my ex-boyfriend was

a pilgrim.

The pilgrim's name

was Chuck Langston.

Well, that's my last

name.

I know, Billy.

I've never thought about it

before, but he's probably one of

your ancestors.

Well, anyways.

The old Indian was so outraged,

he vowed he would curse all

white men.

This was no ordinary curse,

however.

Feather cloud necromanced a...

Turkey that would roam the earth

every 505 years, killing the

first humans he made contact

with.

He was more evil than anything

you've ever seen before... a

Turkey that would stop at

nothing to get what he wanted...

To kill.

Are you shitting me?

A killer Turkey?

Bullshit, Darren.

You're starting to scare Kristen

now.

I'm not scared.

I'm scared.

Well, it's kind of a

legend, guys.

There are tons of books written

about it.

It's a pretty famous story.

Turkeyologists all over the

world...

Oh, brother.

Know it as

thankskilling.

Let me guess, it's

been 505 years later, right?

No.

It will be in 45 minutes.

Come on, I mean, it's

totally impossible for a Turkey

to kill a human...

Right?

Yeah, yeah it is.

Oh, there are ways.

I guess we'll just have to wait

and find out.

Damn it, you little

weasel.

I told you, this is not cool for

you to scare us like this.

I mean there are girls here.

There sure are.

I'm getting wasted.

Because Kristen told me that I

could have a good time.

No, you're not.

Did you pay for that beer?

I don't think so.

Well, uh, since

there are only so many tents, do

you want to spend the night with

me, Johnny?

Gee, Kristen, I'd

love to.

I mean, I could protect you,

just in case you got scared or

something.

I have a free spot in my

tent, too, Johnny.

Flashy?

Flashy?

Flashy!

Your dog had an accident.

What the hell?

What kind of accident?

Well, I took this here ax

and I ax-identally cut him.

Get it? Ax-ident.

Die, Turkey, you

demon!

So long, sucker.

I will get you,

Turkey!

I will get you if it's the last

thing I ever do, you son of a

b*tch!

Why, why?!

First my wife, now you, flashy!

Damn you, Turkey, damn you!!

It's getting late.

This was fun, guys,

but I think it's time to hit the

sack.

Then go to bed after

that.

Right, guys?

Yeah! I got it,

Billy.

That was a good one.

Sh*t!

I forgot to call my dad.

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