Thank You For Smoking Page #4

ten billion cigarettes a year.

By 1930,

we were up to 123 billion.

What happened in between?

Three things.

A world war,

dieting... and movies.

Movies?

Suddenly, directors need to give

their actors

something to do

while they're talking.

Cary Grant, Carole Lombard

are lighting up.

Bette Davis- a chimney.

And Bogart-

remember the first picture

with him and Lauren Bacall?

Well, yea... not specifically.

Oh, she sort

of shimmies in

through the doorway,

Pure sex.

She says,

"Anyone got a match?"

And Bogie throws

the matches at her...

and she catches them.

Greatest romance of the century.

How'd it start?

Lighting a cigarette.

These days when someone

smokes in the movies,

they're either a psychopath

or a European.

The message Hollywood

needs to send out

is smoking is cool.

We need the cast of Will and Grace

smoking in their living room.

Forrest Gump puffing away

between his box of chocolates.

Hugh Grant earning back

the love of Julia Roberts

by buying her favorite brand-

her Virginia Slims.

Most of the actors smoke already.

If they start doing it on-screen,

we can put the sex

back into cigarettes.

Well, it's a thought.

I was hoping for something

a little more inspiring,

but at least you're thinking.

Rest of you people,

slam your f***ing brains

against your desks

until something useful comes out.

That was awesome.

Thank you.

Nick, you've been summoned.

Captain wants to see you.

He saw the Joan show.

What'd he think?

Get your ass on the next flight

to Winston-Salem.

Most people have this image

in their heads

of tobacco executives

jet-setting around the world

on private planes,

eating foie gras

as they count their money.

Not me.

I like to ride with the people.

Know your clients.

My people cram themselves

into a tiny seat,

pop a Xanax and dream

of the moment

they can stuff their face

with fresh tobacco.

If I can convince just one of

these kids to pick up smoking,

I've paid for my flight-round-trip.

The Captain is the last great

man of tobacco.

He introduced filters

when cigarettes first got

slammed by Reader's Digest.

Later, he founded

the Academy of Tobacco Studies.

The club was founded

by the tobacco barons in 1890

so they'd have a place

to get away from their wives.

Here, the Captain is a legend-

a self-made man who started

from nothing,

and ended up with everything...

except, evidently, a son.

Nick, my boy.

You're just in time for mud.

Thank you.

Sit down there. Yeah.

Yeah.

You know the secret

to a really good julep?

No, sir.

Well, you crush the mint

down onto the ice with your thumb

and you grind it in, see?

And it releases the menthol.

Hmm.

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