Telling the Story of Us Page #4

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...at the Beverly Center food court.

She had a little ring

in the bellybutton.

But you know what?

I forgave her because

it wasn't in her eyebrow or tongue.

Beautiful. We start chatting...

...and we strike up a conversation,

waiting for our turkey.

I'm telling you,

she's smiling, I'm smiling...

...and just that

...will do wonders for me when

I'm shaking hands with the sheriff.

I know exactly what

you're talking about.

-Am I wrong?

-No, you're right!

The other day, I told a joke

to this intriguing woman...

...that I met at the cleaners.

If this were the '30s,

she'd be a Communist...

...or at least

a Communist sympathizer.

But the point is, the way

she laughed at that joke...

...reminded me of how Rachel

used to laugh at my jokes.

You gonna follow up?

I could never do that.

I think the Ten Commandments were

probably a lot easier to stick to...

...when you dropped dead at 35.

I mean, we--

They should be amended.

A little amendment,

like the Constitution.

"Thou shalt not covet

thy neighbor's house, wife or ass.

But if you have to covet

your neighbor's wife's ass...

...don't do it

in thy neighbor's house."

A simple amendment, two-thirds

majority, slide through both Houses.

Seriously, name me one guy you know

who's never cheated on his wife.

I wasn't cheating!

I walk into your office,

and I hear you telling some Sara...

...intimate details about our

relationship, about our problems.

Obviously there's something going on

between you and her.

Nothing is going on between us!

We were just talking!

About us?! About our life?!

We were just talking!

That's not talking!

That's a relationship!

Why didn't you tell me about her

if there's nothing to hide?

I just needed somebody to talk to!

Bullshit! Why didn't you talk to me?!

Mommy, I need a drink of water!

I'll be right there!

You wanna know why

I don't talk to you?

You treat me like I'm a big pain

in the ass that gets in the way...

...of what otherwise would be

a normal, organized life!

Have you ever thought that

everything isn't always about you?

Maybe I'm tired! Maybe I'm dealing

with 5000 things all day long!

Maybe every need you have

doesn't have to be met...

...at the exact moment

you need it to be met!

God, we have actual kids here, Ben.

I am not a third child!

I am not talking about having

each of my needs met!

I'm talking about a connection!

A look! Something that says

that we're on the same side here!

Why don't you talk

to your girlfriend?

I'm sure she can help us

get back on the same side.

To have a happy marriage is to accept

the chasm between men and women.

Which is?

He can mend a fight with sex.

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