Telling the Story of Us

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I don't know why.

I've always been big on happy endings.

To me, the most romantic,

beautiful love stories...

...were the ones where

two people meet, fall in love...

...then 50, 60 years later

one of them dies.

A few days after,

the other one dies...

...because they just can't live

without each other.

Not that that's such a happy ending.

You got two dead people.

That's how I thought things would be

for Katie and me.

Not that we'd be dead,

but that we would be together forever.

Now, High/Low.

Who wants to go first? Erin?

Okay, my high today is that I sat

next to Austin Butler at lunch.

-Nice.

-He has the three-legged dog?

Joel has the three-legged dog.

Austin has the snoring turtle.

And your low?

-Camp.

-What about camp?

I don't know.

You had such a good time last year.

-I know.

-What is it?

Are you afraid you'll lose touch

with Austin?

-I don't know.

-You can write to each other.

You can put X's and O's on there.

Guys love that, right?

Can't get enough of it.

Honey, you'll have a great time.

What about you?

What was your high today?

Gary Ellis' mom bought a new juicer...

...and I went to his house

and drank a chicken.

And your low?

I don't have a low.

You gotta have a low.

I've been racking my brain.

I do not have a low.

We'll enter the chicken smoothie

in the high and low category.

How about you, Mama?

I know. It's your anniversary.

What are you guys doing tomorrow?

-I'm taking her to a romantic dinner...

-Dad's taking me dancing.

...and possibly some dancing.

But you're right.

That is our high.

I'd love to stick around

for your low...

...but the Dodgers are playing the Giants.

-Can I go too?

-Go.

I really don't care what we do

tomorrow night.

Even if we're

at different restaurants.

Just as long as the kids see us leaving

together and coming home together.

On our first anniversary,

I gave Ben a plastic spoon.

You know, the takeout kind

from a Chinese restaurant?

It was the one we had used...

...when we shared our first bowl

of won ton soup in the park.

He was afraid he'd lost it...

...and I remember how

his face lit up...

...when he opened the jewelry box

I had wrapped it in.

I keep asking myself:

"When is that moment in a marriage...

...when a spoon becomes just a spoon?"

When I met Katie,

I wrote on a comedy show...

...and she had been hired as a temp.

I don't know. It's hard to explain.

There was an instant connection...

...this simpatico.

I felt like she just got me.

And there is no greater feeling

in this world than to feel gotten.

The loudest silences are the ones...

...filled with everything

that's been said...

...said wrong, said 300 times.

You're not hearing me.

You're so goddamn critical!

It's hard with two kids.

I don't need a third.

You're perfect, and I've done

nothing right in 15 years!

You're not listening!

You can't let go of anything!

You never listen!

You hold on to everything!

Why should you be responsible

for anything?!

You're critical of every

f*cking thing!

I take care of everything here.

-Fine!

-Fine!

-Fine!

-Fine!

Until fighting becomes the condition

rather than the exception.

And suddenly, it turns into

the language of the relationship...

...and your only option is

a silent retreat to neutral corners.

-Okay, are you a person?

-Yes.

Are you a man?

-That's debatable.

-Debatable?

-Do you have a mustache?

-A thick one.

-Aunt Rose.

-Right.

Good old Aunt "5:00 Shadow" Rose.

God, it's almost 9.

We're gonna miss the camp bus.

Now, that is what I call

a mobile home.

Can you get around it?

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