Talladega Nights: The Ballad Of Ricky Bobby Page #4

And I'm in the front row,

and I'm hammered drunk.

Hey, Cal?

Why don't you just shut up?

-Yes, ma'am.

-Okay.

Dear 8-pound, 6-ounce,

newborn infant Jesus...

...don't even know a word yet...

...just a little infant and so cuddly,

but still omnipotent...

...we just thank you for all the races

I've won and the 2 1 .2 million dollars--

Love that money!

--that I have accrued

over this past season.

Also, due to a binding

endorsement contract...

...that stipulates I mention

Powerade at each grace...

...I just wanna say that

Powerade is delicious...

...and it cools you off

on a hot summer day.

And we look forward to Powerade's

release of Mystic Mountain Blueberry.

Thank you for all your power

and your grace, dear baby God. Amen.

-Amen.

-Amen.

Let's dig in!

That was a hell of a grace, man.

You nailed that like a split hog!

I'm not gonna lie to you, it felt good.

Dad, you made that grace your b*tch.

Hey, boys, I wanna see

some napkins in the lap.

Boys, how was schooI today?

I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip's

war medals off the bridge.

Sounds like a good day.

Texas Ranger, how about you?

Well, the teacher asked me what

was the capitaI of North Carolina.

I said, ''Washington, D.C.''

-Bingo.

-Nice.

She said, ''No, you're wrong.''

I said, ''You got a lumpy butt.''

She got mad at me and yelled at me

and I pissed in my pants.

And I never did change

my pee pants all day.

I'm still sitting in my dirty pee pants.

I wet my bed untiI I was 1 9.

There's no shame in that.

I get emotionaI because

you guys are working so hard.

I'm just so proud of you.

You remind me of me...

...precocious and full of wonderment.

Tell you what, Ricky,

you are truly blessed.

-These two are two in a million.

-I am.

Just like Carley's tatas.

You won't find another rack like that,

I guarantee.

Thank you, Cal.

That's reaI sweet of you, Cal.

That's reaI nice. That's one of

the nicest things you've ever said.

-Well, I mean it.

-Stop, you're gonna make me cry.

lt comes from my heart, that's why.

I can't hold my tongue.

These kids are my grandchildren,

and you are raising them wrong.

They are terrible boys.

Shut up, Chip,

or I'll go ape-sh*t on your ass!

I'm gonna scissor-kick you

in the back of the head.

-Yeah!

-Yeah. Turn up the heat.

Go on and get some, boys.

I'm 1 0 years old,

but I'll beat your ass.

Chip, I'm gonna come at you

like a spider monkey.

Like a spider monkey! Go on.

Chip, you brought this on.

The greatest generation, my ass.

Tom Brokaw is a punk.

What is wrong with you?

Chip, I'm all jacked up

on Mountain Dew.

I love that.

I sure as hell am, Chip.

I love the way they're talking to you.

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