Sydney White Page #4

(airhorns blasting)

It's 1 2:
01!

Welcome to hell, skanks!

Over the next week, we'll be conducting

what I like to call..."pledge enlightenment."

We're not allowed to call it "hazing,"

not after what happened to Suzie.

We're gonna find out which of you

Prada princesses has what it takes to be a Kappa,

and which of you don't.

This is your first pledge task -

the date dash.

You have until 1 2:1 5 to find a date

and meet me at the State Street Diner.

No changing clothes, no makeup,

no brushing your hair or teeth!

You have 15 minutes!

Let's go!

Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

(girl) Come on!

Dinky! Dinky! What do we do?

Oh, you just grab a guy.

Excuse me, sugar.

Can I borrow you for a date dash?

(laughs) Hurry up, girl. Come on.

OK.

Come on!

(boy) Ah-choo!

Hello? Hello?!

Uh... Oh, uh, sorry.

I'm sorry. Uh...

Hi. Uh... I'm sorry I startled you.

Can you...? Can you help me?

Ah-choo!

OK.

Thanks.

Sure.

Ah-choo! Oh, sorry.

Sorry, thanks.

What are you doing

in a, uh, bush?

I don't know what happened. I was walking home

and this crazed pack of girls came toward me.

So I dove for cover.

Yeah, vision not impaired.

Sense of balance restored.

Feeling in fingers and toes.

No visible...

Wait!

You're a guy, right?

(uncertainly) Yeah.

What are you doing now?

I'm waiting for an antihistamine to take effect.

I need you to be my date.

(laughs)

Your date?

Yeah.

Let's go.

Oh, um, watch out.

When I get this excited, I tend to throw up.

It's OK. Just tell me when to duck.

OK.

(Sydney) Let's go!

Oh, um, no. I... I...

(plates clatter)

What's good?

Wonderful. You just made it.

(Sydney) How's the BLT?

Mm!

Oh, my God.

Look at her with that pie.

It's a so-rority, not a ho-rority.

So, tell me about the Vortex.

What's it like?

Uh...

I guess you'd call it a, uh... haven,

uh, for people who don't have anywhere else to go.

Some of us didn't get along with our roommates,

some of us made others feel uncomfortable.

Some of us wet the bed.

Some of us wet the hallway.

Uh, all of us are outsiders.

Yeah, I know what that's like.

Uh, are you serious?

You're a Kappa pledge.

By definition, very much an insider.

Would all the Kappa pledges

join me over here for a moment?

OK. I guess I'll be right back.

Yes.

OK, girls.

It's time for your next pledge task.

The date-dash ditch.

This year's unsuitable date

belongs to...

Sydney.

Sorry, you're gonna

have to ditch him.

Ah-choo!

But my guy's really nice.

And I dragged him all the way down here.

And he has a sinus infection

and his athlete's foot is flaring up.

And he has glaucoma... he thinks.

I cannot just ditch him.

I don't make the rules, Sydney.

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