Sydney White

(# "New Day's Dawning" by Saturn Missiles)

For Syd.

(man) Syd.

Yo, sign Syd's card.

It's for Syd.

Hey, Syd!

Got a little something for you.

What's this?

Just a little something.

Aw.

Guys.

From all of us.

(gasps) Is it a Stanley 22 ounce

AntiVibe framing hammer?

No.

It's better than that.

It's actually something you could use at college.

Come on.

(gasps)

(laughs)

I love it.

Thanks, you guys.

Just don't spend all your time on it, OK?

I know that you have a scholarship to keep up with,

but promise us all you'll raise hell every now and then!

(all) Yeah!

Don't worry, Dad.

I'll smile for my mug shot.

Hm.

I'm gonna miss everybody.

Stu.

Be careful with the nail gun.

Big Ron.

Hold me, please.

Oh, all right!

Good hug!

Back to work.

OK, you're crushing me.

Ow, my collarbone.

(Sydney) Know how people joke about being raised

by wolves? I was raised by construction workers.

What have you got?

Peanut butter. It's so good.

(man wolf whistles)

(man #2) Hey, mamacita!

(wolf whistles)

(wolf whistles)

Yeah!

(Sydney) I was only nine when my mom died,

which means my formative years

were left up to my dad.

Being a plumber did give him

a certain unique perspective...

Now, these up here are your, um...

your fallipian...

That's not right. Uh...

Fallopian. These are your...

Let's just call them your lady tubes.

All right?

Every month, you...

lay an egg.

Like a chicken.

My dad always did his best.

Understand?

But sometimes, a girl just needs her mom.

(Dad) Sydney!

Time to get a move on, sweetheart!

Wow.

If your mom was here,

she'd know exactly what to say.

She'd be so excited you're going to her school,

gonna join her sorority.

I'm not in yet, Dad.

Girl, you're gonna fit into that place like a...

overflow tube in a pressure tank.

Come on, Dad.

We said no mushy stuff.

Right.

No mushy stuff.

(bus starts up)

Come here.

I love you, Dad.

(Mom) Dear Sydney,

I love you so much.

I'm so sorry I'm not there to see you off to college.

But since I can't be,

I've put some of my favorite memories in this box.

Live every moment, Sydney.

Grab every opportunity.

And have fun in everything you do.

The friends you meet in college

will be your friends for life.

Perhaps you'll fill this box with your own memories

to pass on to your daughter someday.

And know that though I can't be there with you now,

I'm always right by your side every step of the way.

(# "Warning" by Lil' Wendy)

Still the fairest of them all.

(# "Fortress" by Pinback)

Well, hello there.

Oh, hi. I didn't even know anyone was in here.

Oh, that's OK.

People sometimes don't see me. I'm Dinky.

Oh, no, you're not.

No, silly, that's my name.

Oh, Dinky?

That's your real name?

Of course not.

My real name's Demetria Rosemead.

"Dinky" it is.

Hi, I'm Sydney White.

Sydney White?

The other Kappa legacy?

Daughter of Paul White and Deborah Lee,

Kappa pledge class 1 980?

Yeah.

(gasps)

I'm sorry,

I feel bad I didn't order your background check.

I'm the other Kappa legacy!

Oh, my gosh! This is just so exciting! I should've

known they would've roomed us together for rush.

Don't get too comfortable.

We're gonna move to the Kappa house!

Ah! We're gonna be sisters!

(squeals)

Yay.

We're jumping now.

I've been waiting to become a Kappa since I can

remember. All the women in my family were Kappas.

Look.

My momma gave me her when I was five.

She even has a little pledge pin.

She sure does.

Does she come with

a mini Kappa dream house?

Oh... Oh, I wish.

Now, what were you thinking

about wearing to the first rush party?

Let me... Let me just

show you what I was thinking.

OK.

Now,

those...

Those are my top five.

Wow.

I don't even have a top one.

I might have a skirt in here somewhere.

Oh, no.

Did you have a luggage mishap?

No.

Well, what about in that bag?

Oh. Oh, this bag.

Oh, wait until you see this!

My comic-book collection.

Oh. My.

Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah, uh, you know what?

Why don't you just wear something of mine

to the first rush party?

Oh, OK. Yeah.

That might be best.

You know, this is gonna be fun.

I've never really had a lot of girlfriends before.

Not just girlfriends.

Sisters.

(squeals)

(squeals)

(fanfare)

(music stops)

I'd like to welcome Tyler Prince,

president of Beta Omega Rho fraternity.

Hey, everyone.

I've asked Tyler to come today

to talk about a very special project.

So, the plan is...

We have a golden opportunity

right on Greek Row.

(girl) The Vortex?

Where all those freaks live?

That's the golden opportunity?

No.

This is.

(gasping)

The Witchburn-Prince Greek Life Center

will soon break ground.

Tyler's parents and my parents

have already donated the funds.

We just need to deal with

the current... tenants.

I've been assured by the administration

that this is a priority for the university for this year.

(applause)

OK. So text me.

This is silly. When are you gonna stop

all this and come back to me?

You dumped me.

It was middle school,

what did I know?

I thought I was gonna

marry a Backstreet Boy.

You still could.

I gotta go pick up the keg.

Yeah, well, I gotta go, too.

I wish we had the same size feet.

Oh, it's OK.

Isn't the whole point of this sisterhood thing

that they like you for who you are?

Um... sure.

(# "Shake Your Hips" by DV Rocks)

(boy) Ooh, nice.

Hello.

Welcome to SAU.

(sniggers) Hello.

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