Supercon Page #5

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To call these gentlemen "fans"

would be an insult.

I like to think of them

as men among boys.

Can I ask you guys,

the experts, a Con question?

Adam King, awesome or a**hole?

Wait, you mean

Captain James W. Slade?

Right. A**hole, right?

ROBERT:
AKA Future

Force's Golden Guardian?

Or Tex Johnson...

(SPITS)

US Marshal?

Uh, he's awesome.

(MIMICKING GUNSHOT)

Tell me, do you guys

pick up girls in this thing?

It's like Spanish Fly.

It's a panty-dropper.

(COUGHS)

Dorks.

By the way,

where are we going?

You guys like barbecue,

crawfish?

I like Applebee's.

Yeah, it's just like that.

You gotta

take a left right here.

Since we're all here, you know,

Sean and I, we do a podcast.

It's called NerdGasm,

F-T-Dub.

- Never miss it.

- Yeah?

- Uh-huh.

- I thought of the name.

We wanted all you guys

to be on it.

Love to.

Allison's gonna

need a small mike.

She likes small mikes.

There's a smaller red one,

or we got a big black one

up here.

MATT:
Kid-size?

- We can see what we got.

- Baby mikes?

ALLISON:
Party size.

Party. There you go.

ALLISON:
Better for anal.

ROBERT:
So is that a yes,

or is that a...

Well, you know

Matt did say we'd do it, so...

Great! Three, two, one.

(EXCITED GIBBERISH)

Oh, check the levels.

Oh, you mean now.

Levels, Sean!

ROBERT:
Hi-yo, you

NerdGasmics, nerd-a-maniacs,

- tuning into our podcast...

- BOTH:
For the win!

As always, it's your boy

Hot Rob and the Seanster.

- 'Sup.

- Coming to you live

from the cockpit

of the shuttle craft.

- You say cock?

- I didn't say cock.

Cock-a-doodle-do,

we are right here, gentlemen.

(FUTURISTIC ENGINE WHIRRING)

What the f***?

- (LAUGHS)

- Look at this piece of sh*t.

This doesn't look

like Applebee's.

Hey, nice ride,

Captain Kirk.

Set your phasers to fag.

- (LAUGHS)

- Whoo!

Hey, man, sorry!

We gotta go! Bye-bye!

Yeah!

I think you dropped this.

(LAUGHS)

Queers.

F*** you.

Dude, what the f***

was that, man?

That guy looked like my dad.

I don't need that sh*t, man.

- F*** you, man.

- That was ball cancer kid?

Aw, f***.

Called respect.

Respect.

Ball cancer got balls.

Respect!

F***! That was my last beer.

ALLISON:
There's been

a rumor going around

that Dragon-Con

was robbed of 100 grand

by some guys dressed up

like stormtroopers.

KEITH:
New Hope

or Force Awakens?

- ALLISON:
Does it matter?

- KEITH:
It matters.

New Hope, okay?

Stay with me.

It's an urban legend.

Bullshit. I heard it

from a very reliable source.

Her pot dealer.

Medical marijuana provider.

What's the story?

Evidently the guy,

or guys, walked in

and held up the con office,

like Pulp Fiction.

They grabbed the cash,

and then they escaped

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