Status Update Page #2

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Oh, because everyone

thinks I look like him.

I don't see it, dude.

Dude, I sound like a Californian.

Yo, Grimace?

Hey, Derek.

I got a B-plus on my history paper.

Yeah, that's not good.

That's unacceptable.

Stop eating, start studying.

Got it, dude.

You do that guy's homework?

Yeah, Principal Kim makes me "tutor" him.

He's the best hockey player in Connecticut.

He scored more goals in two periods,

than any other high schooler in history.

He's got a Youtube channel,

and I hear the pros are watching him.

And then there's Charlotte, Derek's girlfriend,

hottest girl in the whole school.

The queen of Twitter, Snapchat, Facebook.

She's got like half a million followers on Instagram.

Queen of all the hockey groupies.

They're expected to win the

state championship.

We haven't won in like 20 years,

so it's all because of that guy.

Yeah, well, I'm not a hockey fan.

Me, neither, but figure skating's cool.

I mean, whatever.

- Yo, Grimace!

- What?

Chocolate money shot!

You got your milk all over my titties.

Did I forget to mention he has

a really accurate slap shot?

He's good. Do I have anything in my face?

Oh, you got a little something right... here.

Yo, Point Break!

Hey. Come on, man.

I'm just messing with you. All right?

It's nothing personal.

We just do it to all the new kids.

So, uh, we cool?

Kyle! Look out!

Oh!

Five minutes for cross checking!

How's that locker feel, Point Break?

Oh... Cali!

Hey, come on, give me my phone back.

Oh, you wanna call your mommy, Point Break?

Oh, you can actually use my phone.

Give it back.

Too slow.

They didn't teach you any hockey in Cali?

Come on, Cali Boy!

Give me my phone back.

Whoa, they teach you manners in California?

All you gotta do is say please.

Please?

That wasn't so hard, was it?

Here, take it back.

Nice phone,

you might want to get that looked at... p*ssy.

Mortal enemy, check.

Hey, man, do you fix phones?

Mm...

You're tryin' to lock me into a lot of do's and

don't's right now, you beautiful angel.

Let me tell you something,

in a former life, I was a wolf.

Hm, cool.

Mm...

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Your chi is way off.

Your chakras are not aligned.

You know what I'm saying?

The feng is not shui-ing.

Uh-huh. Can you fix my phone or not?

Yeah, I can fix your phone.

Let me see it.

Okay.

Yeah... say goodnight, this thing's done.

You've insta-ed your last gram,

tweeted your last twit.

I know, you left your whole life behind,

and you're pissed.

And the kids around here,

in pistachio khakis?

They don't really comprendo

a surfer dude like you.

Am I right? Or am I right?

How did you know that?

Because I'm here to enlighten the load, baby.

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