Stalled Page #3
do with losing a few pounds.
You know, I'm not gonna
apologize for being able to
squeeze into my
size six hot pants.
I mean, the world's media
goes f***ing schizoid
on the cover of Cosmo,
but, you know, who dares go
after that fatty boom-boom...
for glamorizing heart disease
and diabetes?
I mean, f***, when, when was
it a bad idea for a kid
to put down a bacon double
cheeseburger, huh?
I think by the end of the week,
living on a diet of intestines
and eyeballs.
That's one hot potato we can
flush down the loo.
Jamie Oliver's f***ed
[laughs]
Hey, you must be
in bulimic heaven.
Yeah, why's that?
[exhales hot air]
Well you know.
Living in a toilet,
surrounded by skeletons.
Who said I was bulimic?
ringing.
F*** you!
Alarm bells!
F***ing alarm bells!
Look, I'm not bulimic, okay!
I may be a little anorexic,
but--
No, no, no.
Fire alarm!
We can set off the f***ing
fire alarm!
Ahh, great idea!
Zombie firemen!
Bigger zombies...with axes!
Yay!
Get them to pay us a visit!
Okay, where are you?
Yeah!
Okay, all we need to do is bust
the glass on that alarm
and someone's just
gotta come.
And how do we do that?
[elastic snapping]
[laughing]
Oh my God!
Did you see that?
[laughing]
Did you f***ing see that?
Yeah, I watching!
I'm watching!
Keep going!
Let's go again.
Cheese and whiskers!
What's her problem?!
Er, I don't think she likes me
using her bestest lingerie
as a catapult.
Sh*t!
- F***!
What's the ammo count,
William Smell?
Two.
For the love of f***!
[cell phone beeps
then crunches]
Last one?!
Yeah.
- Well, make it count!
Don't worry guys.
I'm here to get you out!
[Evie]
Whose that?!
It's me, Jeff.
Is that Jeff from I.T.
or Geoff from Accounts?
Jeff from I.T.
Really, really good.
Okay, looks like this
is all that's left.
Everybody else has gone
full mongo,
so let's get this show on--
[gagging]
What do you want to get
the show on Jeff?!
Jeff?
Is it "the road," Jeff?!
Oh!
Are we getting the show
on the road?!
Jeff?!
Oh, please, say we're getting
the show on the road!
What's going on?!
Shut up!
I got it!
We're not getting the show
on the road, are we?
So...
What are "we" doing
for Christmas?
Okay, I take it you're not
a Christmas guy, huh?
No, err...
I'm not a Christmas guy.
You don't like Christmas?
God, how can you not
like Christmas?
Do you know when, err,
Garfield's birthday is?
G-Garfield's birthday?
Yeah, Garfield's birthday.
Uhh...
No?
It's June 19th.
It's, it's on June 19th.
Your tool box you forget,
but the birth date of a cartoon
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"Stalled" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 31 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/stalled_18738>.
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