Spare Me Page #7

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BUZZ:

Sheila, meet...uh...

(leans in to Theo,

sardonically)

I forget the name.

THEO:

(uncomfortably)

Theo.

BUZZ:

Theo! This is Sheila Kastle, my partner's

daughter.

SHEILA:

(eyeing Theo up and down)

You look like you're something on the

lanes.

BUZZ:

Theo's bowled on the tour.

SHEILA:

Oh, a professional man. What'll you have?

THEO:

What's your specialty?

SHEILA:

Whips...orange whips.

THEO:

Then I'll have the number four with one

of your finest whips.

SHEILA:

How do you want it?

(their eyes meet)

The eggs.

THEO:

(discomfited at the blatant

double entendre)

Uh...over easy.

SHEILA:

Coming right up.

Sheila smiles and walks away. Theo watches her slink behind

the counter.

BUZZ:

Watch out for that one. She's got a great

average, but she's looking for a prince.

And, believe me, she's

(more)

BUZZ:

kissed a lotta tadpoles.

(looking Theo in the eye)

Listen, I been thinking about your

problem. I'm not the guy to sponsor you.

It would be unethical. But, there is

something I could do for you.

(leans in, secretively)

Putt-putt golf.

THEO:

Putt-putt golf?

Buzz pulls a golf ball from his pocket, flashes it and slips

it back.

BUZZ:

It's the next level, the next

dimension...

(deep conviction)

...the small ball.

THEO:

(in Buzz's spell)

The small ball.

BUZZ:

It's gonna be bigger than big. Think

Europe. Think Asia. They don't have room

for real golf courses in Japan.

THEO:

(snapping out of it)

Not for me. Miniature golf's for pansies.

BUZZ:

If the Japanese are pansies, then pansies

are my kind of people. Sheila steps over

to the booth with their food. The Buzz

Burger has three holes cut in the middle

to make it look like a bowling ball. Buzz

sees the two sleazeballs park their car

and walk towards the diner.

THEO:

(pondering the thought)

Maybe I could bowl in Japan.

Buzz stands up abruptly.

BUZZ:

I gotta wash up.

Buzz heads for the rest rooms. The door opens with a JINGLE.

SID:

Three whips. To go.

BREEZE:

When you get a chance.

Sid and Breeze walk over to Theo's booth and slide in. Sid's

middle fingers are taped to an aluminum splint. The BLENDER

kicks into action. Buzz watches the group from the bathroom

hall and tries to catch the conversation.

BREEZE:

Hey, you still here?

SID:

We're looking for Buzz Fazeli, seen him?

THEO:

I don't know no Buzz Fazeli.

BREEZE:

Look Sid, a Buzz Burger. The Faz's

favorite lunch. Sid reaches for the

plate. Buzz walks over to the booth and

pulls his burger away from Sid.

BUZZ:

Get away from that burger.

BREEZE:

Sorry Faz, we didn't know you was here.

SID:

Buzz, Mr. Kastle wants to talk to you.

BREEZE:

(to Theo and Buzz)

Are you guys bruddas?

The booth party is silent for a moment. Theo LAUGHS.

BUZZ:

No, we ain't brothers.

SID:

You know why we call him Breeze?

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