Spaceballs Page #5

BARF Whoa, you startin' to fade here. We're losing picture, your

highness.

ROLAND All right, all right, I'll pay it. Only find her, save her.

LONE STARR All right, King, you just made a deal.

BARF One princess for one million spacebucks.

LONE STARR What's she drivin'?

ROLAND A brand new, white Mercedes, 2001 SEL Limited Edition. Moon

roof, all leather interior. I got it at a very good price. I paid

cash. My cousin, Prince Murray, has a dealership in the valley. He

was very nice to me.

LONE STARR We get the idea. Where was she last seen.

ROLAND She was just passing Jupiter 2.

LONE STARR We'll find her.

ROLAND Please, bring her back safely. And, if it's all possible, try

to save the car. (disappears off T.V.)

BARF One million spacebucks. We'll be able to pay off Pizza the Hut.

LONE STARR Gimmie paw.

BOTH (hawl like a dog) Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

INT. VESPA'S CAR - SPACE Spaceball 1 fires their magnetic beam at

Vespa's car.

VESPA What's happening? What's that glow? We're not moving.

DOT Oh, we're moving all right, backwards.

INT. EAGLE 5 - SPACE

LONE STARR Look, there's our princess. She's got company.

BARF Oh, no, Spaceballs. And they've already got her in their

magnetic beam. Oh, well, we're too late. What a shame. I'll just

throw her in reverse, and we'll get outta here. (reaches for the

reverse switch)

LONE STARR (stops him) Barf. No. Bad.

BARF Oh, what are we doing risking our lives for a runaway princess?

I know we need the money...

LONE STARR Listen. We're not just doing this for money. We're doing

it for a sh*t load of money!

BARF Oh, you're right, and when you're right, you're right, and you,

you're always right. Okay, we save her, but how? The minute we move

in there, they're spot us on their radar.

LONE STARR Uh-uh.

BARF Uh-huh.

LONE STARR Uh-uh.

BARF Uh-huh.

LONE STARR Uh-uh, not if we jam it.

BARF Ah, ha! You're right.

LONE STARR Down scope.

BARF Down scope.

The scope comes down. BARF looks through the scope and focuses on

the radar.

BARF Radar, about to be jammed.

Jam comes flying and crashes the radar.

INT. SPACEBALL 1 - SPACE The radar is screwing up. The RADAR

TECHNICIAN is trying to figure out the problem.

RADAR TECH. (he is making the sound effects) Sh*t. (makes more sound

effects and dials phone) Sir? (in microphone)

SANDURZ What is it?

RADAR TECH. (O.S.) (in microphone) Can I talk to for a minute,

please, sir.

SANDURZ & HELMET (walk over to him)

SANDURZ Well.

RADAR TECH. (in microphone) I'm having trouble with the radar, sir.

SANDURZ You don't need that, Private, we're right here. (hangs up

microphone) Now, what is it?

RADAR TECH. (in microphone voice) I'm having trouble with radar,

sir.

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