Once upon a time warp. . . .
If you can read this, you don't need glasses.
RICO Colonel Sandurz.
SANDURZ What is it, Sergeant Rico?
SANDURZ You're really a Spaceball. You know that, don't you?
RICO Thanks, sir.
SANDURZ Have you notified Lord Helmet?
RICO Yes, sir. I took the liberty. He's on his way.
VOICE (O.S.) Make way for Dark Helmet.
SANDURZ All rise in the presence of Dark Helmet.
trouble breathing with the mask down.
HELMET (pulls mask up) I can't breathe in this thing.
HELMET What? You went over my helmet?
RICO Well, not exactly over it, sir. More on the side. I'll always
HELMET (puts on Schwartz ring)
RICO Oh shit! No, no, no, no, no, please, no, no, please, no, not
that. (covers his neck)
HELMET (pulls mask down) Yes. That. (shoots a green ray at Rico's
RICO Whaoooooooo! Owwwwwwwwww!
GUARDS take him away. HELMET Sandurz.
SANDURZ (covers his crouch) Sir?
HELMET Na, nevermind. I'll do it myself.
of the coffee maker.
SANDURZ No, sir. We call it, "Mr. Coffee." (points at
label, "Mr. Coffee") Care for some?
HELMET (takes coffee) Now that I have my coffee, I'm ready to watch
radar. Where is it?
HELMET Switch to teleview.
father, King Roland, to give us the combination to the air shield.
Synopsis: In a distant galaxy, planet Spaceball has depleted its air supply, leaving its citizens reliant on a product called "Perri-Air." In desperation, Spaceball's leader President Skroob (Mel Brooks) orders the evil Dark Helmet (Rick Moranis) to kidnap Princess Vespa (Daphne Zuniga) of oxygen-rich Druidia and hold her hostage in exchange for air. But help arrives for the Princess in the form of renegade space pilot Lone Starr (Bill Pullman) and his half-man, half-dog partner, Barf (John Candy).