Someone Marry Barry Page #4

---

- F*** you!

Ah, yeah.

Kurt, it's Barry, I, uh...

I feel terrible.

Um, I got Desmond fired today

and I- I'm outside your house.

I really need to talk

to somebody.

So, uh, I'm just gonna wait here

for you, all right?

Um...

...actually I- I remember

where you keep your key.

I think I'm just gonna

let myself in.

So, um, I- I'll see you

when you get here.

Okay, thanks, Bud.

Yes.

What?

Okay.

What is this?

That was fun.

Mm-hmm.

You look so pretty tonight.

Oh, you keep saying that.

Well it's true, you do!

Oh!

I got it.

Mmm.

Thanks.

That was a really good

restaurant, huh?

Eh.

What? It's rated one of the best

in the city.

Really?

It didn't seem like it.

Well, it is.

Why are you being

so sweet tonight?

'Cause I have a surprise

for you.

What kind of surprise?

- You'll see.

Oh!

- Oh!

Oh!

Ah!

This is not the surprise

I was talking about.

I'm really sorry about this.

No.

I'm not gonna lie...

...this is exactly

what it looks like.

Okay, put it away.

Okay.

- Whoa.

You know what, guys?

I- I am sorry.

Bring it on in for a hug?

- Uh-uh.

Go.

No, no, you can't hug me, no!

Oh!

You mean he still had a-

- Boner!

Oh!

- A raging boner.

So it was less of a hug

and more of a dry hump.

He was practically inside

of her, for crying out loud.

So she dumped me, naturally.

She said if I'm still friends

with Barry,

I'm practically as juvenile

as he is.

Sorry, bud.

It doesn't matter anymore.

Guys, I know we've been

friends with Barry

since before we hit puberty,

but, um...

I'm over it.

I am over it.

I mean the dude's heart's

in the right place,

but, let's face it, man,

he is a menace.

I mean when we were kids

it was great,

yeah, it was fun.

We're adults now.

We're trying to have families

and careers

and relationships, Kurt,

and Barry's making that

impossible.

It's his Barryisms.

- What are you sayin'?

I'm saying that

we'll always love the guy,

but... we cannot live

with him anymore.

Yeah, but I mean...

Barry's always there for us.

Yeah, that's the problem.

He's always there

screwing everything up.

He's a real ragamuffin.

What if we were to

get rid of him?

Okay...

I think I get

what you're saying.

I just wanna clarify

something.

I can't kill someone.

I can't. But I wanna help.

I'll dig the...

I'll dig it.

I don't want to, but I'll do it.

We're not talking about

murdering him, Hurt.

That's not on the table.

- I knew that.

Everyone was- was hashing it-

it out.

So what, do you want to

disown him?

No, no, that wouldn't work.

He'd just keep coming back

like a zombie or something.

So, like an intervention?

No. He'd relapse.

No, dude, this- this- this

requires something

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes