Snatched Page #3

which friend

to bring with me right now

because, like,

everybody wants to go.

Okay.

I can't deal with you

evaluating my life right now.

Can we just take the night off?

I'm not in a place.

I get it.

Enough.

Don't do that.

(LINDA SIGHS)

EMILY:
Okay, Shadee, how about

instead of rent this month,

hear me out

you cash in on a free trip

to Ecuador?

Come on!

Aren't you, like, from there?

Uh, no, you're the one

who sounds racist, actually.

Wow, you jumped to the

C-word pretty fast!

How rude is that?

Oh, sh*t.

Mom!

Can I borrow a shirt?

Sure, honey.

Go into the hall closet.

Down on Cyprus Avenue

With a childlike vision

Leaping into view

Clicking, clacking

Of the high heeled shoe

Ford & Fitzroy,

Madame George

EMILY:
Pack your bags.

You're going with me to Ecuador.

Absolutely not. Not with my knees.

Not going.

Yes, you are.

No!

Mom! Look what

I just found.

Look at how fun you were.

Look at that! I can't

even believe that's you.

LINDA:
Mmm-hmm.

Look at this.

Oh!

That was a long time ago, honey.

Ma

This would be so great for you.

Oh, everybody knows you need

two years to plan a vacation.

No! What are you talking about?

You don't do

anything fun anymore.

Idol

I go to the Y twice a week,

and I take sculpting class.

I mean, look! Voila!

Mom! I told you I would

not acknowledge that.

That is not right. Okay?

It's your home. You put

it where you want it,

but it's an upsetting image.

Okay.

Mom, look, I didn't

want to do this

but here it goes.

(SIGHS)

What?

My trip...

Yeah?

Is non-refundable.

Oh, my God!

Yeah.

You always book refundable,

Emily! Everybody knows that!

I know, but...

(STUTTERS)

Look, it's done,

and no one else will go with me.

No one.

But I booked a journey.

And I refuse

I refuse to let

Michael's decision

dictate whether or not I,

as a woman

go on this trip.

I will embrace this challenge

in the intrepid spirit

of all the independent women

who have come before me.

All the single ladies!

'Cause it's upon their

shoulders that I'm standing.

No, I won't back down!

No!

So I stand before you

right now, Linda

and I ask you

will you

Linda, my mother, Middleton

join me

on this pilgrimage?

(SIGHS)

No.

Non-refundable!

Mom!

I can't.

Help me put the "fun"

in non-refundable.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

(EXCLAIMING)

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

(CHUCKLES)

I actually kinda caught

a piece of you, Mom.

Could you lean out a little bit?

(SHUTTER CLICKS)

That's cute.

Here, put this on.

What is this? What?

That is a rape whistle.

That's a rape whistle.

What?

(CLEARS THROAT)

This is a dog whistle, Mom.

Oh, well...

Are you afraid these dogs

are gonna rape me?

Is that the main concern?

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