Smart People Page #3

and I wrote a request for an appeal.

So, if I could just get

your signature, and I will fax it.

I'm a little low on cash right now.

I can't really afford

to get my own apartment.

So it's kind of a win-win situation.

No. It's not a win-win situation.

It might be,

if you were even vaguely reliable,

- but you're not.

- There's a spare room upstairs.

- There's linens and towels...

- Shh. Shh.

Thank you, Jim.

Do you even have

a valid driver's license?

I need a ride to campus.

I will see you downstairs

- in five minutes.

- You got it!

Make a left.

We need someone

with a national scholarly reputation

and strong leadership experience.

Well, thank you, Martin.

I am honored to serve in the position.

You heard?

Word travels fast around here.

Usually it's a pain in the butt

to find someone

to chair the search committee.

I thought we were hiring

from within the department.

You told me we were hiring

from within the department.

Well, everyone else

is so busy this semester.

Delivering papers, publishing.

Have you read

what they're publishing?

Most of it's garbage.

That's not very collegial.

Well, neither is forcing me

to chair this search committee, Martin.

I am busy, too.

When was the last time

you attended a department meeting?

When was the last time

there was anything on the agenda

worth discussing?

I need you to do this.

Bon apptit, Martin.

Now that Roth has forced me

to chair the search committee,

I can't very well

nominate myself now, can I?

You should have had that position

eight years ago.

I mean, that was a travesty

if I ever saw one.

You were nine years old at the time.

I will tell Roth

that this injury is too much

and it precludes me

from heading the committee.

Why do you even want

to be head of the department?

You don't like any of

the other professors

and you certainly don't like

any of your students.

You know, James,

there was a time not too long ago

when students were

passionate about literature.

Today's students are

only passionate about getting A's.

Dick Cheney.

His daughter is a lesbian.

And while her partner is

considered to be "one of the family,"

they never allowed her

on stage during the campaign.

Okay, well, the point is, in 2000,

Cheney was the chair of Bush's

vice-presidential search committee.

You know, he nominated himself.

Nominating myself?

It seems rather unethical.

It's the democratic process.

If it can work

for the Vice-President of America,

it can work for you.

I wanted to call you

all together, one last time,

before we were deep into final exams.

We've received over 200 applications.

Fewer than 10 of the applications

merit serious consideration.

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