Shrek the Third Page #7

ain't straight trippin',

say, "Oh, no, you didn't!

You're getting on my last nerve."

And then I'll know it's...

I'll know it's wack!

Help!

I've been kidnapped by a monster

who's trying to relate to me!

- Artie, wait.

- Come on! Help! Hello?

Greetings, cosmic children

of the universe.

Welcome to my serenity circle.

Please leave any bad vibes

outside the healing vortex.

Now prepare to...

I knew I should have got that warranty!

Mr. Merlin?

You know this guy?

Yeah. He was the school magic teacher,

until he had his nervous breakdown.

Technically, I was merely a victim

of a level 3 fatigue.

At the request of my therapist,

and the school authorities, I retired

to the tranquility of nature

to discover my divine purpose.

Can I interest anyone

in a snack or beverage?

Uh, no.

Sure you don't want to try

my Rock Au Gratin?

It's organic.

Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in.

We need directions to Far Far Away.

"We"? Who said I was going with you?

I did. People are counting on you,

so don't try to weasel out of it.

If the job's so great, you do it.

Understand this, kid. No more

Mr. Nice Guy from here on out.

That was your Mr. Nice Guy?

Yeah, and I'm going to miss him.

Why don't you go terrorize a village

and leave me alone!

Was that a crack about ogres? You get

your royal highness to Far Far Away...

...before I kick it there!

Now, which way am I kicking?

I could tell you, but since you're

in the midst

of a self-destructive rage spiral,

it would be karmically irresponsible.

Self-destructive...?

Are you going to help us or not?

Most definitely, but only after you

take the journey to your soul!

I don't think so.

It's either that

or primal scream therapy.

All right. Journey to the soul.

Now, all of you,

look into the Fire of Truth

and tell me what you see.

Ooh, charades!

Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte

with cinnamon swirls!

Okay, monster... go for it.

I see a rainbow pony.

Excellent work! Now the boy.

This is lame.

You're lame! Now just go for it.

Okay.

There's a baby bird and a father bird

sitting in a nest.

Yes! Stay with it!

The dad just flew away. Why did

he leave the little bird all alone?

It's trying to fly,

but it doesn't know how to.

It's going to fall!

Proper head case you are.

Really messed up.

Okay, I get it. The bird's me.

My dad left. So what?

Look, Artie, um...

Just thought I'd help set the mood...

...for your big heart-to-heart chat.

I know what it's like

to not feel ready for something.

Even ogres get scared.

You know... once in a while.

I know you want me

to be king, but I can't.

I'm not cut out for it,

and I never will be.

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