Shrek 2 Page #2

and her new husband.

Well, this is it.

- This is it.

- This is it.

This is it.

Uh... why don't you guys go ahead?

l'll park the car.

So...

you still think

this was a good idea?

Of course! Look.

Mom and Dad look happy to see us.

- Who on earth are they?

- l think that's our little girl.

That's not little!

That's a really big problem.

Wasn't she supposed to kiss

Prince Charming and break the spell?

Well, he's no Prince Charming,

but they do look...

Happy now?

We came. We saw them.

Now let's go before

they light the torches.

- They're my parents.

- Hello? They locked you in a tower.

That was for my own...

Good! Here's our chance. Let's go

back inside and pretend we're not home.

Harold, we have to be...

Quick! While they're not looking

we can make a run for it.

Shrek, stop it!

Everything's gonna be...

A disaster! There is no way...

- You can do this.

- l really...

- Really...

- don't... want... to... be...

Here!

Mom... Dad...

l'd like you to meet my husband...

Shrek.

Well, um...

lt's easy to see where Fiona

gets her good looks from.

- Excuse me.

Better out than in,

l always say, eh, Fiona?

That's good.

l guess not.

What do you mean, ''not on the list''?

Don't tell me you don't know who l am.

What do you mean, ''not on the list''?

Don't tell me you don't know who l am.

What's happening, everybody?

Thanks for waiting.

- l had the hardest time finding this place.

- No! No! Bad donkey! Bad! Down!

No, Dad! lt's all right.

lt's all right. He's with us.

- He helped rescue me from the dragon.

- That's me:
the noble steed.

Waiter!

How 'bout a bowl for the steed?

Oh, boy.

- Um, Shrek?

- Yeah?

Oh, sorry!

Great soup, Mrs Q.

Mmm!

No, no. Darling.

Oh!

So, Fiona, tell us

about where you live.

Well...

Shrek owns his own land.

- Don't you, honey?

- Oh, yes!

lt's in an enchanted forest

abundant in squirrels

and cute little duckies and...

What?

l know you ain't

talking about the swamp.

An ogre from a swamp.

Oh! How original.

l suppose that would be a fine place

to raise the children.

lt's a bit early to be

thinking about that, isn't it?

- lndeed. l just started eating.

- Harold!

- What's that supposed to mean?

- Dad. lt's great, OK?

- For his type, yes.

- My type?

l got to go to the bathroom.

- Dinner is served!

- Never mind. l can hold it.

Bon appetit!

Oh, Mexican food!

My favorite.

Let's not sit here with our tummies

rumbling. Everybody dig in.

Don't mind if l do, Lillian.

l suppose any grandchildren

l could expect from you would be...

Ogres, yes!

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Right, Harold?

Oh, no! No! Of course, not!

That is, assuming you don't

eat your own young!

Dad!

No, we usually prefer the ones

who've been locked away in a tower!

- Shrek, please!

- l only did that because l love her.

Aye, day care

or dragon-guarded castle.

You wouldn't understand.

You're not her father!

lt's so nice to have the family

together for dinner.

- Harold!

- Shrek!

- Fiona!

- Fiona!

- Mom!

- Harold...

Donkey!

Your fallen tears have called to me

So, here comes my sweet remedy

I know what every princess needs

For her to live life happily...

Oh, my dear.

Oh, look at you.

You're all grown up.

- Who are you?

- Oh, sweet pea!

l'm your fairy godmother.

- l have a fairy godmother?

- Shush, shush.

Now, don't worry.

l'm here to make it all better.

With just a...

Wave of my magic wand

Your troubles will soon be gone

With a flick of the wrist and just a flash

You'll land a prince with a ton of cash

A high-priced dress

made by mice no less

Some crystal glass pumps

And no more stress

Your worries will vanish,

your soul will cleanse

Confide in your very own

furniture friends

We'll help you set a new fashion trend

- I'll make you fancy, I'll make you great

- The kind of girl a prince would date!

They'll write your name

on the bathroom wall...

''For a happy ever after,

give Fiona a call!''

A sporty carriage to ride in style,

Sexy man boy chauffeur, Kyle

Banish your blemishes, tooth decay,

Cellulite thighs will fade away

And oh, what the hey!

Have a bichon fris!'

Nip and tuck, here and there

to land that prince with the perfect hair

Lipstick liners, shadows blush

To get that prince with the sexy tush

Lucky day, hunk buffet

You and your prince take a roll in the hay

You can spoon on the moon

With the prince to the tune

Don't be drab, you'll be fab

Your prince will have rock-hard abs

Cheese souffl, Valentine's Day

Have some chicken fricassee!

Nip and tuck, here and there

To land that prince with the perfect hair

Stop!

Look...

Thank you very much,

Fairy Godmother,

but l really don't need all this.

- Fine. Be that way.

- We didn't like you, anyway.

- Fiona? Fiona?

Oh! You got a puppy?

All l got in my room was shampoo.

Oh, uh...

Fairy Godmother, furniture...

l'd like you to meet my husband, Shrek.

Your husband? What? What did you say?

When did this happen?

Shrek is the one who rescued me.

- But that can't be right.

- Oh, great, more relatives!

She's just trying to help.

Good! She can help us pack.

Get your coat, dear. We're leaving.

- What?

- l don't want to leave.

When did you decide this?

- Shortly after arriving.

- Look, l'm sorry...

No, that's all right.

l need to go, anyway.

But remember, dear.

lf you should ever need me...

happiness...

is just a teardrop away.

Thanks, but we've got all

the happiness we need.

Happy, happy, happy...

So l see.

Let's go, Kyle.

- Very nice, Shrek.

- What?

l told you coming here was a bad idea.

You could've at least tried

to get along with my father.

l don't think l was going to get

Daddy's blessing,

even if l did want it.

Do you think it might be nice

if somebody asked me what l wanted?

Sure. Do you want me

to pack for you?

You're unbelievable!

You're behaving like a...

- Go on! Say it!

- Like an ogre!

Here's a news flash for you!

Whether your parents like it or not...

l am an ogre!

And guess what, Princess?

That's not about to change.

l've made changes for you, Shrek.

Think about that.

That's real smooth, Shrek.

''l'm an ogre!''

l knew this would happen.

You should.

You started it.

l can hardly believe that, Lillian.

He's the ogre. Not me.

l think, Harold, you're taking this

a little too personally.

This is Fiona's choice.

But she was supposed to choose

the prince we picked for her.

l mean, you expect me to give

my blessings to this... thing?

Fiona does.

And she'll never forgive you if you don't.

l don't want to lose

our daughter again, Harold.

Oh, you act as if love

is totally predictable.

Don't you remember when

we were young?

We used to walk

down by the lily pond and...

- they were in bloom...

- Our first kiss.

lt's not the same!

l don't think you realize that

our daughter has married a monster!

Oh, stop being such a drama king.

Fine! Pretend there's nothing wrong!

La, di, da, di, da!

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