Shallow Hal Page #3

Like Michelle Pfeiffer

back when she did Grease 2.

But she'd have to be

a little smilier than Michelle.

Like Rebecca Romijn-Stamos,

before she got Stamosed.

But not as skinny. Someone meatier,

like Heidi, but without the accent.

You know those accents: yah-yah-yah-yah.

They really get old fast. You know

what I'm saying. Someone like that.

Don't you think you're being a little bit

shallow in the way you look at women?

Well, no. I mean, you know,

I'd like her to be into culture and sh*t, too.

OK, hypothetical situation.

Which do you prefer, a girlfriend

missing one breast or half a brain?

Ooh, toughie. That's a toughie.

How's the remaining breast? Is it big?

- How's your relationship with your parents?

- Excellent. I mean, my mom's hilarious.

She golfs every afternoon.

Actually, I don't really remember my dad.

He died when I was nine, so...

If you were nine, you should remember a lot.

Yeah, but I don't.

My mom thinks I might have been

a little traumatised by the whole thing.

Anyway, all I remember is, he was great.

He was a great guy,

and I really loved him, but...

I'm sorry you lost him.

Hey, listen, I know you got a great heart.

You're just fixated on

the outside appearances of people.

- Hal Larson, I'm gonna do you a great favour.

- Really?

This is how it'll work. From this moment on,

whenever you meet someone in the future,

you're only gonna see what's inside them.

So you'll respond to that, because that,

my friend, is where the true beauty lies.

OK, Tony, I think

you're getting a little cabin fever.

Hold on. What if I told you by doing this,

you could have the most beautiful women

in the world and they'd want you?

- Is this like what you do in your seminars?

- No, no, this is very special.

This is just between you and me.

Let's get up and I'll show you what to do.

Now, you got a pattern of looking at women

and judging them by the exterior.

We gotta break that pattern.

So has there been a time

when you were especially shallow with a

woman, where you thought you were better?

- All the time.

- All the time.

Is there one specific time

where you were really shallow?

- Oh, yeah, I got one.

- Think about that.

Devils, come out!

- What the hell are you doin', banana hands?

- Just hang on.

- We gotta jolt your nervous system.

- Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

It's not just talking about it. Here's what

I want you to do. Just relax for a moment.

- I won't do that again.

- I didn't mean the "banana hands" thing.

Close your eyes. Just relax. And I want you

to imagine that you're on a beach.

It's a warm day and the sun

is just starting to set.

And you're looking in the eyes of a woman,

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