Shakes The Clown Page #5

and now I just feel lucky...

that I have Brainiac as a partner.

You don't believe

I'm mentally superior to you?

- Ask me a question. Come on.

- I don't have any questions for you.

All right. What's a Shondell?

What?

What? What's a Shondell?

Like Tommy James and the Shondells.

Remember that? "Crimson and Clover,"

"I Think We're Alone Now," "Mony Mony."

Yeah, I remember the goddamn band,

all right?

- What's a Shondell?

- Who cares?

- What kind of idiotic question is that?

- You're upset 'cause you don't know.

- No, I'm not getting upset.

- It's not a crime. Big deal.

The point is is that there are things

that you accept and things you question.

- So you're upset 'cause you don't know.

- I'm not upset!

You know what? At this point, you should

be watching your blood pressure.

There's nothing wrong

with my goddamn blood pressure!

Yep. Lunch break.

All right.

Duh, hi, kids.

It's Shakes...

F***.

Duh, hi, kids.

I'm Shakes the clown.

What is that you got over there?

What's that, pastrami?

You think that's a good idea?

You think that's wise, pastrami?

Yes. It's not only wise,

it's kosher.

And it's none of your goddamn beeswax

what I eat and what I don't eat.

I don't need a goddamn food monitor

sitting next to me in the car.

Hey, I'm not the one the doctor called,

"A candidate for the coronary"...

thankfully through working out,

nice healthy diet.

Healthy as a horse. Knock wood.

What the hell was that?

- Take off!

- You see the hair on that guy?

We got a freak. Oh, boy.

F***!

I got him. I got him.

Oh, my God!

- Shut up and calm down!

- Let me drive!

Get your hands off the wheel!

- You don't know how to drive!

- Get away from me!

There. See?

- I can't move my head.

- You seen this?

They clean your windshields.

This is great. Watch.

- Give me a buck. I'll give it to him.

- Are you insane?

F*** you.

- Thank you. Looks good.

- What are you thanking him for?

Oh, my goodness!

It's dirtier now than it was!

Ducks!

Sh*t!

All right, out of the car, clown!

Come on! Out! Hands on the roof!

You better pray those water fowl are

all right. You're in a lot of trouble.

Look out, look out, look out.

Boy, you're a real sweetheart.

Make your parents proud?

- Let's just get them out of here.

- Another white-collar criminal.

I bet you were a big hit in lockup.

Checkered pants down around your ankles.

Everybody loves a clown,

so why don't I?

You ought to keep a little better

control over your clowns, mister...

Cheese. Owen Cheese.

U-Rent-A-Clown.

Oh, my card.

Hey, did you see that?

If you're gonna have a policeman's ball,

a social, anything...

you know, a clown is the difference

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