Shakes The Clown Page #3

She told me it was 7:30.

That's the cornerstone of a lasting

relationship, what time it is?

Yes, yes, because first,

I asked her what time it is.

Tomorrow I get to ask her the date.

Day after that she's all over me.

That's how it works.

You play it slow.

Hey, waitress, what time is it?

It's 7:
35, good-lookin'.

See?

What is a corn dog? Well, it's kind of

like a hot dog on a stick...

and they take it...

Sweetheart. Pumpkin.

Hey, doll face.

Don't you "sweetheart,

doll face, pumpkin" me!

- Where were you last night?

- I-I-I... Where was I last night?

- Where were you last night?

- I was up with a very sick friend.

What? Who?

- Pete.

- Pete?

Oh, Pete. Right. Then what's this

lipstick on your little funny tie?

It's not Pete's lipstick, is it?

- That's blood.

- From what?

Pete had an angina attack.

Angina? Pete is a man.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I'm truly sorry.

Last night,

there I was in the alley...

almost fulfilling my dream of becoming

a professional bowler...

I look around

and you aren't there.

What am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to feel?

I'm sorry.

- I should have been there.

- You should have been there.

- I planned on going there.

- And what happened?

Your little friend Pete

had an angina attack.

I know what you mean by angina, but it

wasn't Pete's angina you were after.

Shakes, if you want to drink and run

around with other women, that's fine.

Just don't make me look like

an a-hole in the process.

F***!

Jesus Christ.

- How you doin', Pep?

- How am I doin'?

Blow it out your ass,

you useless bag of sh*t!

Nice talking to you.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

A real, real pleasure,

I'm sure.

A**holes.

Oh, uh, Peppy,

you dropped your thesaurus.

What's he so pissed off about?

'Cause he got fired

from the TV show.

Fired? I thought he retired.

No, he was just telling everybody that

because his ego was bruised.

Yeah. You know,

I'm really surprised that...

you know, that I haven't

been asked to host yet.

What?

You haven't heard?

No, I haven't heard nothing.

What are you talking about?

Binky's the new host.

Binky's the new host?

Binky? What the f***? That guy

can't even throw... I don't care!

That guy can't even throw

a f***ing pie straight. He's not funny.

- Did he ever make you laugh?

- No, he's not funny.

I read for that part.

That part was mine!

You guys know that.

I don't even mind

that's he's not funny.

What really bugs me is that as a human

being he's nothing but a lump of sh*t.

- Howdy-doody, Shakes.

- Hi. I was just talking about you.

- How's your cirrhosis?

- Fine.

How's your disease-ridden cock?

- My cock! How dare you...

- F***ing douche bag!

I'll flatten every single one

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