Sexy Evil Genius

- Thanks for your help.

- You're good.

Make sure you tell the detectives

that I'm willing to testify

and I definitely want to press charges.

Look, I don't know what happened.

It went really fast.

Are they gonna live?

Hey, lonely guy.

Sorry. I'm meeting someone.

Yeah, me too. Nikki Franklyn.

You too? Really?

Is that surprising?

Yeah, kind of.

- I'm Zachary.

- Of course.

Zachary Newman. Figured.

You're the high school guy,

her first true love.

I've heard a lot about you.

Yeah. I guess. That was us.

She broke up with you

at the Waffle Shack after prom.

Cried so hard you puked all over her shoes.

Blueberry pancakes.

Yeah. Not my finest hour.

I'm Miranda.

- May I?

- Yeah.

Have a seat.

It's typical Nikki. Late. She said 8:00.

I got a call from Nikki.

It's the first time

I had heard from her in a decade.

She said she's in town

and wants to meet up.

I guess I'm not the only one

she wanted to catch up with.

We stayed in touch, you know,

after the pancake incident.

She said she wanted to go

on a trek to find herself.

Timbuktu, I think.

- Kathmandu.

- Yeah, that's it. Yeah.

That's the last time we spoke.

Where did you two meet?

Narcotics Anonymous.

What, you and Nikki, like,

smoked a ton of pot together?

- Cocaine?

- Heroin.

Nikki and heroin.

Yeah.

- With needles?

- Yep.

I just can't imagine her doing that.

I mean, maybe smoking it, I guess, but...

She always was so adventurous.

When we met she was a mess,

close to death and so was I.

We saved each other.

We were lovers.

Does that shock you?

No, you're very beautiful.

I just... I'm still reeling

over the whole heroin thing.

- Should we get a table?

- Sure.

Hi, guys. I'm Abby.

I'm gonna be your server.

So just let me know if you need

any other drinks or anything.

Absinthe.

Okay.

Isn't that highly alcoholic?

I'm a junkie, not a drunk.

Can I have another martini,

five blue cheese olives?

Okay.

Is that a drink or a salad?

It's both.

I raced over here from work.

I forgot to eat all day.

You know it's not healthy

to work that hard.

I know.

I know.

- What do you do?

- Sales.

- Do you like it?

- I hate it, really.

- Do you have kids?

- No.

- Married?

- Nope.

So, why the f*ck don't you quit?

- And do what?

- Whatever floats your boat.

I'm not sure what that is.

Well, clearly,

there's your problem right there.

Gosh, talking to you

really reminds me of talking to Nikki

just right to the big, heavy stuff,

no kidding around.

- What?

- No, nothing.

You're kind of cute eating your salad.

See, this is why I never go to bars.

The only girls who think

I'm cute are lesbian.

Or lesbians?

I don't know...

What's the plural of that word?

I'm bi.

Great. I feel half better.

So, when did you last see Nikki?

I will fucking kill you!

Six years ago.

- Is that when you broke up?

- Yeah.

But then after awhile,

we started talking again.

Just a phone call or two every few months.

And then one day,

I get a collect call from Nikki from jail.

- Jail?

- Well, not exactly.

It was a mental hospital

for the criminally insane.

What was she doing there?

Murder?

Nikki killed somebody?

It was her boyfriend.

She poisoned him with arsenic.

Said she got off by reason of insanity.

Arsenic?

Look, Nikki's a lot of crazy things,

but she's not literally crazy.

At least not how I remember her.

But don't you think

she'd be great at acting crazy?

Yeah. Yes.

I used to call her my sexy evil genius.

And she was, a genius.

Test scores off the charts.

Thanks.

Thanks.

Nikki said she'd call me

when she got released from the hospital.

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