Sex After Kids Page #3

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I mean, my brother

put it best, you know,

He put it like:

The hole I need fillin' up

is probably

Not an emotional one.

You know,

it's a... a different hole...

Your brother told you this?

Yeah. Yeah.

And, good news is,

we don't need a condom.

Because of me tits.

So. We just, ah,

we just do it...

- God!

- Oh!

Oh, f***! Oh!

- Oh, god!

- Shh.

You're gonna, you're gonna

wake her, you're gonna wake her.

Oh, God, it's so f***ing hot

that you're a Dad.

- Oh!

- Thanks.

Oh, god. Oh, f***.

Oh, f***. Turn me over.

Yeah. Oh God.

Oh, f***.

Oh, god.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Pull my hair.

Pull my hair.

Oh, god yeah!

Oh, punish me, daddy.

Oh, f***.

Smack my ass.

- Smack your ass?

- Yeah!

Oh, punish me.

Oh, punish me, daddy.

F*** me, daddy!

Oh, punish me.

I love the way

you f*** me, daddy!

- Oh!

- Okay, okay.

I can't do this.

I'm out. I'm out.

Oh, please will you just give

Uncle Peyton a break. Look...

I could smother you and you

wouldn't even know it.

I didn't mean that.

I love you, honestly,

to pieces,

But will you please

just shut the f*** up!

Pey? You all right?

How do I turn her off?

You mean they're not supposed to

scream bloody murder all the time?

Are you sure this is

How you're supposed

to put her to sleep?

It's not so bad, you know,

once you get used to it like.

I don't know whether

I could ever put up with that.

It makes me

want to eat glass.

You know what Lou,

I don't know if I'm gonna

be able to stay here.

Well, what are you

going to do?

You going to go buy a house

With all your inheritance

money you pissed away?

Hey, there's no need to be

a b*tch about it, all right.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Pey,

I didn't mean that.

Stay.

Be my nanny.

- F*** off.

- No, come on.

It's free room and board.

No seriously, f*** off,

I'm just passing through.

I've got plans.

Besides, what d'you need

a Nanny for anyway?

Well, it's harder than I

thought it was gonna be...

You know,

doin' it on my own...

Hey!

Hey, she stopped crying.

See, it's not so hard.

Why are you back

so early anyway?

I don't know.

Couldn't close the deal, eh?

You see,

you were searching

For the wrong type of man.

What you need is a sexual

deviant, you know?

Someone who'll smash

your back doors in

And walk away

without a second thought.

You know,

maybe you're right.

Maybe I should just give up

On all this love

and fulfillment lark.

I mean, it's never done me

any favors, has it?

Just been a slew of endless

Disappointment

and rejection.

Right.

That's it.

No more love for me.

Only lust for this trollop.

Right? Yeah?

I'm gonna get out there

and I'm gonna get someone

To really give it to me.

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