Sex After Kids

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So, from all the stories

you've collected

For your book,

would you say that,

In general,

sex after kids is terrible?

Yes!

In fact, the jury is still out

as to whether or not

Kids are good for marriages.

Period.

There's a psychological

study that says that

83% of couples suffer some

form of moderate

Or severe crisis after kids

come into the picture.

I would say then,

the answer is,

Professionally speaking,

of course,

That kids are not good

for your sex life.

At all!

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

- Hey.

- Hey.

Finally get her to sleep?

Mm. Down like a clown,

Charlie Brown.

Excellent

- Mmm.

- I'll drink to that.

What's all this?

Well, I thought it would

be nice for a change.

Pretend we're adults, right?

Are you trying

to seduce me?

And you got some tomato

sauce on your chin, too...

- actually.

- Oh.

Babe, I'm covered in spit up

and I'm exhausted.

Can we try, maybe tomorrow

or later this week?

Yeah, sure.

That'd be fine, sure.

You're mad.

No, I'm not mad.

Why would I be mad?

Because it's been a while.

It hasn't been a while,

it's been a year.

It has not been a year.

Right, then it's been

359 days.

And eleven hours.

- No.

- Yeah.

Yeah.

- Really?

- Mhmm.

Okay, all right. Let's go.

Where?

We're gonna have sex

right now.

- Are you serious?

- Yep. Let's go.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

- That's nice.

- Yeah, yeah.

That's good, you good?

Oh, yeah.

Mm-kay.

So do you want, want me

to start now, or...?

Start?

What the hell

have you been doing?

I don't know, gaining entry?

Oh!

Okay, okay. No no no. No.

Stop. Okay, we're done.

This counts.

- What?

- Yep.

Counts? As what?

That was two strokes.

Come on, give a fella

a fighting chance here.

Okay.

Ahh! No, no.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

We're done. I'm sorry,

babes. You're killing me.

It feels like I'm having sex

with branding iron.

Oh my God.

I'm sorry, ever since

the baby it just...

Oh, okay, okay.

Okay, we don't have

to do this now.

- Okay. Okay.

- It's fine, okay?

- Just...

- What?

Can you just stop.

Just don't move. At all.

- At all?

- At all.

Don't move?

Yes.

Does losing my erection

count as moving?

Yes. So don't.

Babes, when was the last time

you trimmed your nose hair?

Can we keep this remotely

sexy, please?

I'm, I'm here

trying to please you.

Right? I'm trying to pleasure

you.

Aw, you want

to pleasure me?

Yeah.

Will you let me

sleep in tomorrow?

Sure, okay. Just...

Okay, sorry!

Hello gorgeous.

Vanessa?

And in the first

time in well over a year,

Vanessa Thomas is expected

to make an appearance

Tonight at the annual

Humanitarian Awards.

Tune in tomorrow morning

to see what she wore

Down the red carpet.

Hun? What are we going

to do if we run into...

What are you doing?

The limo's going to be here

in half an hour.

No. Its more than I need.

Here. Take.

Hey oops.

Whoa. He's burning up.

He's just a little hot, Sean.

The sitter will take care of it.

You look like hell too.

Well of course I look like

hell. Let me put my face on.

Oh, hon hon hon.

He got you sick!

No. We're going out, Sean.

We're going out

and I'm gonna have

The time of my Li...

Did you just throw up

in your mouth?

Hon, I'm calling the sitter.

No! You're being honored.

Yeah but... I'll just go.

No! We'll both go.

No, come on, hon,

he, obviously he needs you.

Not some stranger.

No no, but Sean,

I bought, I bought a dress.

And shoes.

Hon. Be honest, you don't

do heels anymore.

Hey, you watch it.

I can still rock a pump.

I know. For fifteen minutes.

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