Seven Psychopaths Page #4

---

You're a dog kidnapper, Billy.

I'm taking advice on drinking

from a dog kidnapper.

I ain't a dog kidnapper, Marty.

Stop it, Martin.

- Don't you f***ing start.

-Yeah, don't you f***ing start.

- Don't talk to her like that!

-You started it.

Shut up!

Kaya, that Quaker story,

I told Marty that story

in a bar two months ago.

A friend of mine told that to me.

So there might be copyright issues,

at the very least.

What are youse looking at?

I'm gonna go, okay?

Thanks for... it was a nice party.

You look nice.

What you doing, honey?

Ain't you getting undressed?

If I could massacre every person in this

godforsaken country...

...that helped tear apart mine, I would.

I must focus, however, on the

gruesome task I have in hand.

What are you talking, baby? Chinese?

Vietnamese. Vietnamese.

Vietnamese. Yeah, didn't we have

like a big war with you guys one time?

Yes.

It isn't over.

What am I doing at your place, Billy?

Kaya threw you out.

What did Kaya throw me out for?

You don't remember?

For calling her a f***ing b*tch

in front of all of her friends.

I'd never do that.

At least not to her face.

Well, call her up and see.

Well, call her up and see.

Hello?

Honey, listen, I can't exactly remember

what happened last night.

Do the words,

"My girlfriend's a f***ing b*tch,"

mean anything to you?

Poodles always look like they've been crying.

Maybe they've just got dumped

by their girlfriend

because they've got a drinking problem, too.

I don't have a drinking problem.

I just like drinking.

Of course you do, Marty.

One, you're a writer.

Two, you're from Ireland.

It's part of your heritage. You're f***ed!

F*** off now, Billy!

Seriously, just f*** off now!

I'm not in the f***ing mood!

You were f***ed from birth.

Spanish have got bullfighting.

The French got cheese.

And the Irish have got alcoholism.

And what have the Americans got?

Tolerance.

Shoot, you're reading LA Weekly, are you?

Shoot, you're reading LA Weekly, are you?

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

No, no, no.

Shoot, did I leave any water

in Bonny's bowl?

I'd better go home and do that,

and while I do,

there's something I put in the LA Weekly

that you should maybe read.

'Cause it's possible in the short term

that you might be slightly mad at me.

- What are you talking about?

-Page 163.

Calling all psychopaths!

Are you mental or deranged?

Maybe you've recently been hospitalized,

but are now okay.

Or maybe the world

just doesn't understand you.

Yeah, right!

Well, I'm writing a screenplay with my friend

called the Seven Psychopaths,

and if your story is crazy or quirky enough,

we might use it for our movie.

So please call Billy Bickle at 310-555-01...

Rate this script:1.5 / 2 votes