Screwed Page #3

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TO MAKE UP FOR.

- I LOST MY VIRGINITY

WHEN I WAS 14.

THAT'S ALMOST HALF MY LIFE.

- OKAY.

WE NEED TO GET YOU

BACK INTO REHAB RIGHT AWAY.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

- WE'RE GONNA GO OUT AND FIND

THE EASIEST CHICK OUT THERE

AND HOP BACK ON:

THIS FLESH SADDLE,

AND THEN TOMORROW,

YOU'RE GONNA DO THE SAME.

AND THEN THIS WEEKEND,

YOU'RE GONNA DO IT AGAIN,

AND YOU'RE GONNA KEEP DOING I UNTIL YOU'VE BANGED

ENOUGH SKANKS:

TO HONE YOUR CRAFT.

- I DON'T WANT TO HAVE SEX

WITH A BUNCH OF WOMEN.

I JUST WANT JEN.

- I KNOW YOU DO,

BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU UNLESS

YOU'VE FIXED YOUR PROBLEM,

SO WHAT YOU'RE GONNA DO IS,

YOU'RE GONNA GO OUT,

BANG A COUPLE OF EASY SKEEZIES,

AND THEN GO BACK TO HER

WITH WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED,

SHOW HER WHAT YOU'RE MADE OF.

- YOU REALLY THINK

IF I BECOME A BETTER LOVER,

SHE'LL TAKE ME BACK?

- NOT IF YOU

USE THE WORD "LOVER."

[both chuckling]

- I GOT TO GO TO WORK.

- ALL RIGHT.

9:
30, OPERATION TANG BANG

BEGINS.

CONDOMS ARE ON ME.

- [groans]

DAD.

- HEY, CAN I ACTUALLY BORROW

THAT 20 TO BUY THE CONDOMS?

[driving techno music]

- HOW YOU DOING, SIR?

HOLD ON ONE SECOND, PLEASE.

YEAH, OUR CLUB'S

ACTUALLY AT CAPACITY RIGHT NOW.

I'M GONNA NEED YOU TO WAI FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

- AIN'T--AIN'T THIS

THE PARTY SUPPLY STORE?

- YES, BUT WE'RE AT CAPACITY

RIGHT NOW,

SO I'M GONNA NEED YOU

TO WAIT A COUPLE MINUTES

JUST BECAUSE WE ADHERE

TO A VERY STRICT FIRE--

- LOOK, I GOT TO GET A PIATA

FOR MY DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAY.

YOU GOT TO--YOU BETTER GE TO STEPPIN' WITH THIS SH*T.

- YEAH, I UNDERSTAND.

JUST GIVE ME--

- IF YOU DON'T MOVE THAT ROPE,

I'M GONNA TAKE YOU,

STICK YOU IN A F***ING CAR,

FILL YOU UP WITH CANDY,

LET MY KIDS GO TO TOWN

AND BEAT THE SH*T OUT OF YOU.

THEN--THEN--

OH, OKAY, THAT'S

WHAT I THOUGHT, MOTHERF***ER.

- THANK YOU, SIR.

I LOVE MY JOB.

- HANDS LIKE THIS

- OH

- LOOK AT ALL THE PARTY PEOPLE.

WHOO! WHOO!

RELATIO, WHAT'S THE HAPS

AFTER WORK, MY MAN?

A LITTLE BOOZE AND B*TCHES,

AM I RIGHT, HUH?

- I THINK I'M GONNA DROP OFF

SOME DVDs AND HEAD HOME, RYAN.

- YOU SURE?

'CAUSE PEEP THIS.

I GOT VIP PASSES

TO THAT NEW STRIP CLUB,

THE THROBBING UNICORN,

HUH, HUH?

SOMEONE JUST LEFT THESE

ON MY WINDSHIELD.

I JUST FOUND 'EM THERE.

HUH, CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SH*T?

- I'M GOOD.

THANKS ANYWAY.

- ALL RIGHT,

MORE LAP DANCES FOR ME.

all:
HI.

- OH, HI.

- HI.

- GET IN HERE.

LOOK AT THAT ASS, RIGHT?

HOLD UP.

STOP.

YOU, PERM THE NAP.

MAYBE LOSE A LITTLE BI OF THE WEIGHT AROUND THE HIPS,

ALL RIGHT?

MAYBE GET ON THE LAP-BAND.

SHOW A LITTLE MORE CLEAVAGE,

AND YOU'RE IN NEXT TIME, OKAY?

- BUT WE'RE TWINS.

- PSH, YEAH, RIGHT.

AND THIS GUY'S BLACK.

SHE'S NOT WEARING A BRA.

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