Screwed Page #4

Synopsis: A chauffeur kidnaps his rich boss's dog to hold it for ransom, but when she accidentally gets the dog back, she thinks that it's the chauffeur who's been kidnapped.
Genre: Comedy, Crime
Production: Universal Pictures
 
IMDB:
5.7
Metacritic:
7
Rotten Tomatoes:
13%
PG-13
Year:
2000
81 min
Website
283 Views


They're gonna kill me ifyou don'tpay.

Open your wallet, you tight-ass!

Jesus, somebody has to do something!

Dinnertime, dog.

They got me eating kibble.

I don't know how much longer I can last.

Oh, God, Chip...

...he's wearing a collar.

Collars don't hurt.

They're just trying to intimidate us.

Whatis that?

Is that urine? Itis!

Itis! It's human urine!

Chip, we're late.

- Miss Crock!

- What's your reaction to the kibble video?

Have you changed your mind

about paying the ransom?

She'll not deal with criminals.

It's a police matter.

Your chauffeur was chained like a dog.

Where's your compassion?

I'll show you compassion.

Get your asses off my property!

I'm afraid you didn't hear me.

I'm afraid you didn't hear me!

Today, dessert baron Virginia Crock,

reiterated she will notpay the ransom.

We went to the man in the street

to find out what he thinks.

She's rich. She can afford it.

If I worked for that... chowder... slut...

...I'd tell her to... get down,

get busy on my... man.

More concerned citizens

have started a formal protest.

No more pies if Willard dies!

Is that Hillary?

She's looking good.

Rich people are no good.

I'm never gonna eat herpie again.

This media blitz is killing us.

Our sales have dropped 50 percent.

Miss Crock, go to hell! Miss Crock...

Miss Crock, many bad things are happened.

We thought we were buying

your wholesome American image.

But it's terrible shock

that you don't rescue your loyal houseman.

Sweet old lady on pie box

is now super-villain.

I'm sorry, honey. They're playing hardball.

If you don't pay up, they're gonna walk.

F***!

Of course I'm gonna pay the ransom.

Ljust didn't want to encourage

those underworld criminals.

But now I want Willard

home again with me.

The old hag is coughing up!

Thank you, Miss Crock.

And thank you, Hillary, for kicking her ass!

I'm free!

We are millionaires!

Anybody here?

Hello?

What can I do for you?

Are you Rusty P. Hayes?

Yes, I am. Can I interest you

in my shrimp boat special?

No. I'm here investigating

the kidnapping of Willard Fillmore.

Who?

- You must have read about him.

- I don't read newspapers.

We thought you might know him.

We were going through

Mr. Fillmore's belongings...

...and we found this

"Chicken Dinner Special" punch card.

Really?

Yeah, this guy.

- I was wondering what happened to him.

- He was kidnapped.

When he came in here, did he...

...ever do anything unusual

that would draw attention to him?

One time I seen him eat

50 chicken gizzards all by himself.

Look, if you come across anything

that might help us...

...give me a call.

- Sure.

I hate loose ends...

...and I want this case to end.

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Scott Alexander

Scott Alexander was born on June 16, 1963 in Los Angeles, California, USA. He is a writer and producer, known for 1408 (2007), Ed Wood (1994) and Man on the Moon (1999). more…

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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    "Screwed" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 5 May 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/screwed_17653>.

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