
Screwed
Willard! Bring in
the videocassette recorder.
Suddenly, I realized that,
I don't have a pension plan...
...I don't have a health plan,
I don't have a dental plan...
...I don't have...
Willard!
Where the hell is my blue hat?
I don't know, Miss Crock.
Do you expect me to go
to my 10:
00 meeting, like this?No. Absolutely not, Miss Crock.
I'll help you find it.
I'm cold!
You taking a coffee break, lazybones?
All right, it's a good job.
I should have known it was you.
Miss Crock, you have such an appreciation
of fine clothing...
...I was thinking it was time
you buy me a new uniform.
You lookjust fine to me, Willard.
And you're dismissed.
But, it's disintegrating.
The buttons are barely hanging on.
Willard, that is a terrific suit.
Your father worked for me for 30 years.
Wore that suit every day.
Never complained!
Yeah, and then he died.
And then, at the funeral, you made
the undertaker give it back to you...
...so you could stick me in it
for another 15 years.
Just what are you implying?
Miss Crock, it's Christmas time.
I'm only asking for a new uniform.
"Only" a new uniform?
And pretty soon it'll be
"only" a new broom, maybe.
And before you know it,
I will be "only" bankrupt!
Now, would you please
get out of my sight...
...before I kick you in the ass?
It's not my fault
you have frost on your strawberries.
We have a contract.
Well then, I'll see you in court.
Excuse me, ma'am.
- I've got the Danish.
- Okay.
Bring 'em in.
Miss Crock, I'd like you to meet...
...Gunn Froling, Erland Vetterlund,
The executive team
from Copenhagen Snak Food.
Well, I'm just flattered that you're
even considering my little factory.
Lovely output.
That's terrific, Gunn.
Come, gentlemen, I'd like to show you
the Bun room. I'm sure you'll love it.
It's just past Jellies and Creams.
What a bunch of bores!
I never know what those guys are saying.
Never mind about that.
Do you think we've got a deal?
Does Big Boy have a weight problem?
Soon you're going to be
the richest, prettiest...
...sexiest lady in the entire pastry industry.
I've told you, Chip...
...not in the office.
Hey, guys.
Nothing says Christmas Eve
like some hot, spicy chicken wings.
All right!
If they're so yummy, how come
you only show up when it's free?
There he is.
About time!
Can you believe it? The old prune
made me clean her chimney.
Like she thinks Santa's coming
to pay her a visit.
Now, look here. Be careful with this
'cause it's kind of strong.
Willard, you need to make
a New Year's resolution.
Quit working for the ball-buster.
Show her who's boss, man.
Take a shit in her soup.
Thanks. That's real constructive.
You know how things are today.
A man has a job, he holds onto it.
In your case, till he dies of old age.
Yeah, like my old man.
You know what he said to me
on his deathbed?
He said, "Stick with Miss Crock.
You'll get ahead."
I don't know what he was talking about.
Merry Christmas, Willard.
Merry Christmas, Rusty.
"Good King Wenceslas looked out
"On the Feast of Stephen"
Oh, Chip...
...it's beautiful!
Now open yours.
I'm so excited.
Oh, Virginia, what a sweet gift!
I know how much you like money.
It's $50,000.
You can buy anything you want with it.
What are you standing around for, Willard?
We don't want a mess now,
do we, on Christmas?
- Will that be all?
- That will not be all.
Merry Christmas.
Miss Crock, I wasn't expecting this.
I thought of something that I knew
you'd be thrilled to death with!
Miss Crock, God bless you.
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Citation
Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:
"Screwed" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2021. Web. 19 Jan. 2021. <https://www.scripts.com/script/screwed_17653>.