Scorned Page #3

- That's why I...

- All right.

I stopped taking my lithium...

for you.

- For you and the baby.

- I didn't know you were pregnant.

That's right, 'cause you only cheat

on girls who aren't pregnant.

That's right.

You are such an ethical man.

I knew you had character, honey.

I knew you had character.

- Um...

- Go ahead, apologize.

Tell me you're sorry.

Tell me what a big f***ing

mistake you made.

I'm sorry.

That was a big mistake.

Yes, it was.

But you know what?

- I can fix it.

- Yeah.

I sent Jennifer a text

message from your phone.

You told her we broke up

and I had a friend

come and pick me up

and you have the house for

the rest of the weekend.

And she was so excited about that.

Oh. Hold on.

Hold on.

You just got a message.

It's from Jennifer.

I'll read it to you word for word.

"I can leave tonight after work. "

Then she wrote an X and an O

and an X and an O, etcetera.

Those are hugs and kisses.

I think she really likes you, honey.

I really do.

Oh. Another message from Jennifer.

- "I can't wait to see you, Kevin. "

- Come on.

"PS, I'm going 2 B wearing

something extra naughty. "

Whoo! My goodness.

You two are frisky.

You promised me a weekend.

We're just going to

have a friend join us.

Remember that time when you asked me

if I would be willing to do a threesome?

That's the thing about

threesomes, of course.

You got to do it all together.

You can't do it separately.

- F***!

- Ooh.

I got to learn how to tie

ropes a little better.

- You f***ing...

- Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. You know what?

You know what?

Come here. Come here.

You're going to take this

whole damn bottle right now.

Right now.

Okay. Okay.

F***!

Oh, my f***ing head.

- Oh, my f***ing head.

- Yeah.

I'm about to bash your head in

again if you don't calm down.

Okay. Oh.

Okay.

It's okay.

It's okay.

I really think I should get

you a cigar or something.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

Honey, this is going to be so romantic.

Ooh.

Now, honey,

you shouldn't be drinking.

Just...

it's not good for you.

You shouldn't be drinking, smoking.

There's a baby in you now.

Baby, my mama drank and smoked

all through my pregnancy,

and I turned out all right.

Want some more Vicodin?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Here's one right here for later

and one right here for now.

Hey, no! Ow.

There we go.

That's better.

Please, you got to stop.

You need to stop asking me that.

Look at how supportive I'm being.

I set up the candles.

I got the flower petals here.

I swear to God, you men never

appreciate anything women do for you.

He loves me.

He loves me not.

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