School for Scoundrels Page #5

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Your next class

is to begin at any place,

at any time,

so be ready.

I'm not done.

This...

is a beeper.

You will each be given one.

When your beeper goes off,

you will initiate

a confrontation immediately.

If you fail

to follow these simple orders,

you will be expelled,

with no refund.

What?

How will you even know

if we follow the orders?

Yeah. What are we, under

surveillance or something?

Yeah.

Yes.

Now, get the hell

out of here.

The kid's like, 16,

17 years old, you know.

Tap on the window.

"Officer, Officer, please,

"please, if I get

one more ticket,

my dad's gonna kill me,

all right?"

I say to him,

"Kid, please, if I don't

give you this ticket,

I ain't gonna make my quota. "

And he's...

He was mad.

What is he, a pimp now?

Give me a dollar;

I want a Danish.

You know what?

I'll take that.

No, whoa, whoa, Roger.

What the hell

are you doing?

I always get

the last Danish.

You know how it works.

Well, too bad.

I'm hungry.

Roger...

I will kill you.

Give me back my

cherry Danish.

Hey, is that the

new Star magazine?

Thanks.

It's supposed to be

a great issue.

What, did you forget to take

your medication this morning?

No, Zack.

You know what?

I have a little something

called pride.

Remember that.

Ooh...

Who gets the last

cherry Danish?!

Zack does!

Zack what?!

Zack gets the last

cherry Danish!

Yeah, that's right!

Yo, that's what

I'm talking about!

d You got a reaction,

didn't you? d

d You took a white orchid... d

Evening,

Mr. Schultz.

Time for dinner,

all right?

d Something better than nothing

is giving up d

d We all need to do something d

d Try to keep the truth

from showing up d

d How dare you d

Give me that.

d How old are you now, anyway? d

Hey, keep it down, huh?

I'm trying to read the paper.

What'd you just

say, homey?

How would you like

to die, man?

No, uh...

how would you like to die?

What?!

Hey, come on, man.

What the hell

is he doing?

Honey... honey, I...

d You took a white orchid... d

Hey!

This is not cool.

Why would he bring us

all the way out here?

All I know is, last night,

I tried getting tough

with my roommate.

He kicked me out.

I had to sleep in a Kinko's.

Yeah, well, I stood up

to a guy at my work,

and he gave me

a swirly.

Hey, no way.

I got a swirly, too.

Hey, I'm-I'm sorry.

What exactly

is a swirly?

It's when someone dunks

your head in the toilet

and then flushes it

on your face.

Totally rocks your world,

but not in the good way.

Oh.

I received one

of those as well.

"I'd like to move out

of my mother's basement

and up into the main house. "

Wow, you're shooting for

the stars, aren't you, Walsh?

"My goal is to make

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