Scary Movie 5 Page #5

Today Ms. Kielbasa Queen,

tomorrow the world.

Carmen Elektra,

watch your back!

Slab! Look out!

Can everybody keep a se cret?

Yes.

This never happened.

...and that's how I knew

I wasn't a lesbian.

Now, Barbara...

I think you need to take this

safe sex kit with you.

You never know when

you may need it.

I gotta go.

Alright, but it may not

be here when you come back.

H i, Doughy.

- H i, baby.

- Chicken?

A little, but it's my job.

Do you have any

new suspe cts yet?

Well, we're che cking out

everyone in town.

Any new developments?

Yeah, my v acation pictures.

Who's that, your grandmother?

With the bong?

Yeah.

Glaucoma?

Spring break.

That's me.

Ooh, no tan lines.

- I feel like a hot dog.

- Footlong?

- At least.

- I'm buying.

I've got a weird feeling,

Dawson.

Wait till you eat

the tuna tacos.

No, I mean Screw being killed.

Oh, that.

There's crazed a killer

on the loose, Dawson.

That dead popular kid

could have been any one of us.

But it wasn't.

So what do you care?

What about next time he attacks?

And you know he will.

Do you have a reserv ation sir?

- Dawson?

- Party of five?

- Wrong network.

- Yes, of course.

Right this way, sir.

I wouldn't worry about

it so much if I were you.

Why?

Be cause you are with me.

Didn't your whole family

get chopped up

and fed to a fish farm?

Allegedly.

And what makes you think

you're so spe cial

he'd want to kill you, anyway?

Well, be cause I got this.

And how do you know it's a he?

Be cause serial killers

and dentists are always men.

I say rufies are bullshit.

I take them before every date

and I never get laid.

Maybe you're not taking enough.

You got one too?

If that's what I think it is,

I got one.

A pres cription for

gyno-lotrimin?

Oh, wrong paper.

What does this mean?

I think I got one too.

What does yours say, Slab?

- Chanu...chanu...ah...kah...

- Give me that.

That's it.

We're all targets.

Oh, God, I knew my beauty

would be a curse.

The bottom line is, everybody

got a note. We're all in danger.

Not everybody.

Fine ! Happy now?

You may already be a victim !

Bad ! Bad Deer!

Bad, bad, bad !

No more salt lick.

Deers don't talk!

What's that?

Slab! Lookout!

No!

I just ate.

Yes, this never happened.

Wow! What did you win?

Duh, Einstein.

It means Dawson's the first

one on the chopping block.

What a relief.

Big deal.

Notes.

It's probably just some

kid playing a joke?

I mean, after all,

it is Halloween.

And Friday the 1 3 th.

On the same day?

Impossible.

Slab's dyslexic.

Besides, a kid couldn't

write that.

At least not a kid

in public s chool.

U nless he was Japanese.

But they're not historically

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes