Scary Movie 5

Previously in teen

horror films...

Hello, and welcome

to Movie Phone !

If you know the name of

the movie you'd like to see,

press one.

To choose from a list

of current,

overpriced blood-splattered

blockbusters, press two.

For cheap flicks with

a gay best friend, press three.

For big studio bombs,

press four.

For politically correct

buddy movies, press five.

- Dad?

- Hello, Cindy.

This isn't Cindy.

I think you have

a wrong number.

Uh, wait a minute.

What number did I dial?

- Who is this?

- The Killer.

- Is that yours or mine?

- Ignore it, I have voicemail.

Do you like movies?

Yeah, sure.

I rented some tonight.

What kind of movies?

The usual-- Vaseline Alley,

Two Guys and a Girl and a Horse,

- A Big Black...

- I get it! I get it!

Do you like

scary movies?

You mean like

Spike Lee movies?

Lay off the Spikester.

He's keeping it real.

Let's play a game.

Do you like games?

I guess...

Alright, a train leaves

Chicago doing 60 miles an hour...

Math ! How am I supposed

to know that?

I'm a beautiful, popular, rich kid

with a promising future...

...in a lightweight sorority

at a state college.

I don't need to know that stuff,

I'm gonna get married.

Shut up!

Shut up, you nit wit.

Do you think this

stalking thing is easy?

- Whoa !

Are you in my pool?

Hello?

- Collect call from...

- The Killer.

- Will you accept the charges?

- Whatever.

Go ahead.

Killer:
Thanks,

now where were we?

- Now look, geek.

- No, you look.

If you don't get this next question

right, you're dead meat.

Who's buried in Grant's tomb?

Ummm, Hugh Grant?

I'm afraid not, genius.

It was Amy Grant, wasn't it?

I was gonna say that!

It doesn't matter.

You didn't answer

in the form of a question !

Hey, you're

not Marilyn Melons !

Hello.

Yeah, hold on a minute.

It's Stacey.

H i.

Do you mind?

Nothing.

What are you doing?

Oh my God.

What did she say?

She is such a b*tch !

I've got to go.

I'll call you back.

Oooh. Oooh.

I'm melting.

PA:
Good morning,

students.

Cheerleader try-outs

will be held after school today,

in the gym.

You must be 1 8 and comfortable

with partial nudity.

- Did not.

- Did too.

- Did not.

- Did too.

Did too.

Mom !

Alright, Dawson.

If you'll just sign here,

you'll be officially registered

at Bulemia Falls H igh School.

Hey, new kid !

Slab, is that the way we introduce

ourselves to the new kid?

Sorry, Mrs. Peacock.

Ha !

Two for flinchin', New Kid.

H i, I'm Dawson.

That's better.

Man:
We have rules

at this school, Mister.

And "no" means "no."

I'm never gonna get laid.

Dawson, I'd like to introduce

you to Principal Interest.

Ahem.

Oh, I'm sorry.

"The Administrator Formerly

Known As Principal."

Wannabe.

Hey, New Kid !

Oh God !

Looks like someone is gonna have

to show you the ropes.

Boner?

It's pronounced

Bah-ner, sir.

The "O" is soft.

Not according

to Resusci-Annie.

Just show him around.

And for God's sakes,

wash your hands first.

Mary, you're next.

H i, I'm Boner.

It's nice to meet you.

Yeah? "Witch?"

Try "rhymes with..."

Charmed my ass !

Call me.

Goddamn Shannon Doherty.

Hey, New Kid !

I'm Barbara.

- How'd you like a Hertz Donut?

- I'd love one. Thanks.

Ow!

H urts, don't it?

Hey, guys.

- H i Martina.

- H i, Mrs. Peacock.

Hey, New Kid.

Dawson:
Wait a minute.

Is she...?

Did you hear the news?

- Wrestling's fake?

- I'm not pregnant?

He who smelt it,

dealt it?

No, about Screw.

Slut. Whore.

Do you have her number?

Who?

Murdered. Gutted.

Flayed, sliced, diced,

fried and hung.

Jesus !

I'm never gonna get laid.

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