Saved! Page #4

...the more Hilary Faye

wanted to get her saved.

I am totally glad she wasn't expelled,

Her actions are such a cry for help,

She may not know this now,

but she is Iike--

she's Iike that much closer

to accepting Jesus in her heart, right?

Seriously, she could be some poor savage

in some remote jungle somewhere

who will never know the Lord

and who will never go to Heaven, ever,

I think that's why God has missionaries

Iike Patrick to spread his word,

Yeah,

What's up, guys?

- You're Mary, right?

- Here's your board,

- Thanks, bro,

- Yeah,

You played the keyboard

during assembly, That was really cool,

- Thanks,

- Isn't she great?

She knows just how to compliment my

vocal stylings without overpowering them,

We were just talking about

all your missionary work, It's so great,

So, Iike, what part of the world

has the worst heathens?

'Cause I'm so interested in that,

Honestly, I couldn't say,

Mostly, I just stuck to skating,

No, but how many of them

did you actually save, do you think?

Guys, I totally scored

some free stuff for you,

Thank you, Tia,

Piss off, a**hole!

And another thing--

no more muffin for you,

The muffin shop is closed!

- Come on,

- Oh, my gosh,

She is in worse shape

than I ever could have imagined, right?

We need to show her

just how cool we Christians can be,

- Totally,

- Let's start the Iaughing,

Now!

Cass, come join us,

We're just--

Do you wanna go wait in the van again?

Do you know these are new pants!

You're handicapped,

but get it together,

Hey, Roland,

how about we get outta here,

and you can give me

a Iittle spin in that thing?

Release his parking brake,

Hilary "Fake,"

You smell Iike Tia's dad,

Have you been drinking?

Come on, Careful,

I'm having a vision

of the Virgin Mary,

Cassandra, are you all right?

What she needs to do

is accept Jesus into her heart,

I thinkwhat she needs

is a ride home,

- I'II take her,

- I'II help you, then,

Come on, Cassandra,

No, no, Iet go of the pizza,

Get off of me!

Helping Patrick

haul Cassandra out of the mall

was Iike the most perfect

God-centered moment,

You really Iearn a Iot about a boy

when you're servicing the Lord,

Hilary Faye, I can see your pad,

- I can see a Iittle bit of it right--

- Quit it!

SIowly raise up through the knees,

still bent at the waist, and roll to standing,

Good,

And twist and hold,

Come on,

Keep holding,

I know what you're Iooking at, Mary,

And Jesus does, too,

After a threatening letter

from the State Board of Education,

they finally broke down

and created a Sex-Ed class.

A little too late, I might add.

So, it's all about

populating the planet,

And good Christians don't

get jiggy with it until they're married,

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