Santa Hunters

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1

Over the course of human history,

there have been questions... mysteries.

Our world is filled with

things we can't explain

and legends we've never even seen.

Yet there is one legend more

fascinating than the rest...

a yuletide visitor from the North.

He flies through our skies undetected,

and travels the globe on a magical sled.

We find presents beneath trees,

stockings filled by an unseen hand.

He goes about his secret work

leaving not a single whisker of evidence.

We never see him, but he knows

if we've been naughty or nice.

Without proof... he is just a mystery.

Some dare question his very existence...

until now.

Hey, wait up!

Alex, we got reindeer poo!

Frozen yogurt... Dutch chocolate with...

nuts and raisins.

Definitely not reindeer poo.

Merry Christmas!

This is it, he's on the move.

You sure you're in focus?

Duh! Of course I'm in focus.

I know how to use a camera.

I'm not five.

You're eight. Exactly.

I'm Alex.

My sister Elizabeth is behind the camera.

We're at Pinebrooke Middle School

gathering pre-holiday intelligence.

Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.

Come on, follow me.

Um, I don't have proper authorization.

It's okay, it's for science.

Come on, come on.

Ew, what are those things?

How do you sit on those?

Shh!

Principal Welch?

Elizabeth?

For reals?

My principal is Santa Claus?

Cut!

Every kid knows Santa...

Jolly, wears red, likes the carbs.

But aside from the Tim Allen

movies and seasonal TV specials,

what do we really know about our

plus-size visitor from the North?

I don't think anyone has ever seen

the real Santa Claus outside of Claymation.

He must be real. I follow his blog.

My brother saw him once!

He said his farts smell like candy canes!

I have doubts, serious doubts.

Yeah, I kind of look the other

way on Christmas Eve, you know?

Sure, he might commit a B&E or two,

but, um, his heart's in the right place.

Heard he got a makeover back in the '90s...

Shaved the beard,

hit the gym, dyed the hair.

Now walks among us undetected.

He could be anyone.

Ho, ho, ho!

Anyone.

Oh, he's totally real.

We have evidence. We have the pipe.

Santa's pipe, the one you used to see

in all the pictures, we got it.

Uh-huh, it's true.

Santa's pipe is our family's

most cherished heirloom.

My uncle Charlie found it

sitting beside the Christmas tree

on Christmas morning a long time ago.

Uncle Charlie is totally the

coolest uncle that ever lived.

Yeah.

Back it up, back it up.

This baby is going to the moon.

Whoa. Oh! Charlie!

Everybody, run!

Scatter, scatter!

Run, run!

Trick or treat.

Yeah.

Don't use it on your brother.

Really?

There was this one Christmas,

Uncle Charlie gave me

the coolest gift ever.

Santa's pipe? For real?

Uncle Charlie,

you're giving me Santa's pipe?

Uh-huh, yeah, yeah.

I figured it was time to entrust

Santa's pipe to a true believer.

This is so awesome.

A genuine Santa Claus artifact.

It was the greatest

Christmas present I ever got.

I decided to share this incredible

evidence with the world.

In conclusion,

this pipe is irrefutable evidence...

That's not Santa's pipe!

It didn't go exactly as planned.

You can't handle the truth!

And that was just the beginning.

My life spiraled into a

nightmare of yuletide pranks.

Nonbelievers and Kringle deniers

ridiculed what I knew to be true...

That Santa Claus does exist.

I just have to prove it.

Hey, Christmas boy!

You're gonna regret this!

He knows what you're doing!

Be good for goodness sake.

That's when I decided to put together...

the team.

Okay, state your name and expertise.

Uh, I'm Zoey.

I'm a puker.

Not my title... just a nervous stomach.

Excuse me.

My expertise is coloring and decoupage,

but I'm better at coloring.

I mean your Santa Hunter expertise.

Oh. Mainly,

I hold the camera and push a red button.

I also bake the cookies.

I'm Richard, Alex's favorite

cousin and deputy Santa Smasher.

It's "Santa Hunter."

Whatev, dude.

I'm skilled in ninjitsu,

bottle-rocketology,

and various forms of

improvisational camouflage.

Can't see me, huh? Can ya?

Uh, yeah, I can.

I'm the founder and president

of my middle school's

ghost hunting and

cryptozoological studies club.

I also happen to be Alex's favorite cousin.

So,

I borrowed some equipment for winter break.

Night vision... motion detectors...

a sound dish... a boat horn.

How about now?

Yeah, I still see you over there.

What does that have to do

with scientific investigation?

It's a boat horn.

Sure, I have questions,

like why stuff candy in smelly old socks?

What's that about? Gross.

You can't consume that

many cookies in one night

without incurring serious

digestive ramifications.

Observe.

That's 7,630,000 cookie

calories in New Jersey alone,

and that doesn't even count the milk.

That's not human. Do the math.

Maybe he steals the toys like

some Christmas Robin Hood.

If he's stealing, he should be exposed...

and squashed!

Hiya!

Aah...

Mom!

Only comes out at night,

lives forever, commands flying animals.

Yep, totes vampire.

Just a theory. It doesn't make him bad.

I don't judge.

He could be the sparkly kind,

or maybe he only sucks the blood

of bullies or vice principals or hipsters.

Where's Richard, huh?

Seriously?

This Christmas, all I want is one thing...

To know there's something

worth believing in...

and DNA evidence.

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