Sam Whiskey Page #4

I wouldn't know.

Well, go on! What happened next?

When the war was over,

Tom went to Frackville

and married Abercrombie's widow,

the Baptist one.

I'll be damned.

What happened to the Mormon widow?

Went out west.

Started her own wagon wheel business.

Married an apothecary, had seven children.

Was the first lady to win

the blue ribbon for rhubarb pies

three years runnin'.

Tell me something, Jed.

Do you know all that for a fact?

Just thought it up as I went along.

Helped pass the time.

The girls in the city are skinny and pretty

Girls in the country

have meat on their bones

But Mary McCarty

could give them all lessons

In loving contortions and delicate moans

Whiskey and gin

Whiskey and gin

Mary McCarty loved whiskey and gin

I'll tell you what, Samuel.

You gotta adjust this thing

to fit your own eye.

Now, you were shootin' low out there,

so we'll put that front side

right about there for you.

Takes a little time,

but once you get the hang of it...

I'll be damned.

Built it all myself, Sam.

Fires 300 rounds a minute.

The British gun Hotchkiss

fires 200 rounds a minute

and weighs 10 pounds more.

- The French have got a gun...

- You come with a gun, O.W.?

Samuel, I...

Dat gum it, Sam, you know why.

I've been trying to discipline myself.

I'm through with all that chasm' around.

I'm an inventor and a businessman now.

Wouldn't change your mind, would you?

No, sir. No, lwouldn't.

I'll take you in on shares.

You, me, and Jed there.

Shares?

What's this?

Automatic corn sheller.

I'll sell you the guns, Sam.

But that's all.

- That's all?

- That's right.

Well, the least you can do

is give us some supper.

Already got it on the stove cookin'.

A little something to wet the whistle with.

- Is that com?

- Yeah.

If you don't mind, I'll stick to rye.

Sure. Go right ahead.

- Jed, you a poker player?

- Nope.

- You wanna learn?

- No, I don't.

Well, I can't says I blame you.

Jed, did I ever tell you that O.W. here

was the hardest drinkin',

hardest fightin' man

that General Sherman ever had?

Nope.

Salud, amigos.

- Salud.

- To old times.

I don't suppose you'd have any trouble

figurin' out a way a man

could do some work under water

at, say, 15 or 20 feet, would you?

Work 15 or 20 feet under water?

I suppose a good size bucket,

some leather hose

and a bellows oughta do it.

Why? What do ya got in mind?

You remember the time you won $100

bettin' how far

you could throw a cannonball?

Yeah.

I can't do that kind of stuff anymore.

I got a hitch in my back.

Oh, I bet you could still outdrink old Jed

and I here put together, if you wanted to.

Salud.

Well, yeah, I probably could, but...

...that kind of stuff doesn't fit in with

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