
Rzhevskiy protiv Napoleona
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- Year:
- 2012
- 95 min
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STUDIO:
BLOCK 95
LEOPOLIS:
Rzhevsky against Napoleon.
Lieutenant
Rzhevsky.
Napoleon Bonaparte
or just 'Bonya'.
Natasha Rostova.
Prince
Bagratyon -of Abkhazia.
Marquis
De Mazosad -yan.
Kutuzov.
Count Tolstoy
or just 'Classic'.
Captain
of the Guard.
Zhuzhu
40-year-old virgin.
Marshal
Ney - Gay.
Our story, ladies and gentlemen,
begins in Paris.
At that time, Paris was
known as the capital of the world.
While Moscow fell on ruinous times,
in Paris reigned
the famous Napoleon.
Meet the French emperor:
Napoleon Bonaparte.
A brilliant strategist,
first-rate commander
and a big fan of women.
LE "Canon"
Sir, I don't want to
bother you, but...
My horse!
Hurrah!
Hurrah!
Hurrah!
one small flaw.
For such a big personality,
he had a very small shoe size.
It caused him a
horrible complex.
the Corsican across Schengen Europe,
from state to state.
"Size does not matter"
-he said...
And he won on
all fronts.
And in love too,
Of course.
Love makes the world go round.
or rather, 'libido',
in modern terms.
So driven by an insatiable libido,
this midget & enslaver
arrived in the country
where live the most beautiful women in the world.
But here, his libido would soon be clipped.
WELCOME TO RUSSIA
Hurrah! Russia!
Yes, yes ...
The French are at the gates of Moscow.
- Dismissed.
What do you say, gentlemen officers?
If we fight now, we lose an army.
If we lose the capital,
we lose our honor.
I suggest, lose the honor.
Your excellency, why do we need Moscow?
The capital has no gas mains, no gasoline, not even oxygen to breathe.
Congestion in the streets?
The Kremlin without the Tsar's Bell
is like a big 'F*** you!'
All right.
So it shall be. We will allow
the enemy the capital.
Cheers to that!
I just think that Napoleon won't satisfy himself
to chew and spit in Moscow.
He will go on, to the Urals.
I want to bog him down in Moscow
all the way to ...
the tops of his boots.
-Ideas?
How about sending a spy? With our
women he will be as bogged as a swamp.
We have already sent them multiple times.
A woman's conversation with Napoleon is short. Look.
Here you go.
So, now we have to
pay her compensation.
And this is the end result.
-So, our spy
must be a super woman.
She must be able to hook up,
and not get pregnant.
-I have an idea.
Madam, how many times must I tell you?
I cannot go for so long without air!
Lieutenant Rzhevsky.
Pack up your things, Lieutenant.
You're going with me.
Personal order of the Emperor.
Aha! Here we go.
And where was the Emperor,
When they threw me into this hell?
You looking for trouble?
-Get out, you fool!
And why did it happen?
-Why?
You slept the battle.
-The task was weighing on me terribly
of raising the birth rate of the state!
Enough! There is no need
to stew on the past.
The Fatherland is in danger.
And it's your job
to defend the homeland.
-Homeland...
The Homeland is my weakness.
In short,
the high command has issued a task,
at all costs to keep
Napoleon in Moscow.
That's it.
-But it requires a woman.
And who is this?
-You.
Me?
-Yes.
I, a Russian officer, must every day
change my pants for panties?
Never!
-I understand. It is difficult.
But it is necessary for the Fatherland.
-And now for the Fatherland,
I must park my horse screwy?
-It's war!
And each has its own front.
-So you may order me
to give myself to Bonaparte?
If there is such an order, you'll do it!
But, if you fulfill the task,
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"Rzhevskiy protiv Napoleona" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. Web. 23 Mar. 2023. <https://www.scripts.com/script/rzhevskiy_protiv_napoleona_17289>.
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