Running with Scissors Page #3

Do you have suicidal thoughts?

Do you ever think of killing yourself?

And how often would you say

you have these thoughts of suicide?

Right after I have sex with my husband.

What are those?

Valium.

To quiet the nerves.

Is he an MD doctor?

Yes, and as I've told you 100 times,

he got his MD at Yale.

And you heard about this guy from where?

Dr. Nupal.

Augusten's allergist.

If you were more of a man and involved

in your son's life, you'd know who that was.

I smell manure.

I don't smell anything.

I do, I smell manure.

It's coming out of your ears.

F***ing b*tch.

I'm unhappy.

I'm unhappy.

Norman, if you're so unhappy,

why stay in this marriage?

I don't know why.

My son.

I don't think that's why you stay, Norman.

I think you stay because it's comfortable.

It's what you know.

You were trapped in your childhood

by a castrating mother,

and as an adult male you have sought

the same female archetype.

Well, that's just brilliant. And very true.

Deirdre, smoking is a great privilege

in my sanctuary.

But for you, I will allow it.

Thank you.

So you're saying we should split up?

In order to reach that conclusion, Norman,

I would need to see both you and Deirdre

on a regular and disciplined basis.

For five hours a day.

I'm available, Dr. Finch.

Five hours a day?

I can't do that. I have to work!

See, Dr. Finch, I told you.

I'm married to a narcissist.

Norman, if I'm willing to clear my schedule

to save your marriage but you're not,

then get out.

Leave this office, go home,

and start dividing your books

and your record albums.

This is bullshit.

This is really f***ing bullshit.

What are you writing?

"Norman Burroughs is homicidal.

He is an unapologetic alcoholic.

"He is dangerous, a threat to himself,

his wife and his child."

Finally, somebody sees.

Deirdre, express yourself. Let it out.

Tell Augusten and I why you are crying.

'Cause I...

I did love Norman once, long ago,

but I never should've married him.

So why did you?

He threatened to kill himself if I turned

down his proposal. I'm not a murderer.

I've failed as a wife and a mother.

Yes, you have.

But Deirdre,

you can't stay with a man

who doesn't see your gift.

You are a brilliant, brilliant poet.

Augusten, have you any questions

to ask me

concerning the state of

your parents' marriage?

I do have one question.

What's behind that door?

That?

That leads to an adjacent room

where I masturbate.

Dr. Finch...

As evolved as I may indeed be,

I'm still a human being, Deirdre.

A male human being.

I am still very much a man.

Would you like a tour?

What is this, Hope?

Jesus Christ, Dad!

You scared the sh*t out of me.

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