Ruby Sparks Page #4

the honeymoon sh*t, it doesn't last.

I know that.

Women are different up close.

I love Susie...

...but she's a weirdo.

Sometimes, she's mean as f***

for no reason.

She's a person.

You haven't written a person, okay?

You've written a girl.

All right, whatever.

Writers don't show their work

to people at this stage.

I might not even finish it.

Because...

And don't, like, tell people about it.

Listen. I'm not saying you can't write.

I'm saying...

...you don't know jack sh*t

about women.

Don't let those leftovers go to waste,

okay, skinny?

Gym tomorrow?

Uh, I'm seeing Cyrus.

Maybe Friday?

Friday.

- I know.

- You okay, bud?

Yes.

This thing is dripping everywhere.

How are you supposed to eat this thing?

What?

You're so not my type.

What do you mean I'm not your type?

I usually go for guys

who are a little more, um, assertive.

I'm assertive.

Ha, ha. No.

You're stubborn. That's different.

I had this one boyfriend...

...who told me I wasn't funny...

...but that I have a good sense

of humor...

...because I laughed at his jokes.

Why would you date a guy like that?

I was young.

You must have things you regret.

Not really.

Everything's been perfect so far.

Oh.

So that's what you're looking for

in a guy?

Douchiness?

I don't know.

I guess I was looking for you.

It just took me a while

to find you.

Ruby.

Jump!

What did you think

the first time you saw me?

I thought you were

the most beautiful girl I ever saw.

Were you disappointed

when you got to know me?

How can you ask that?

I'm such a mess.

I love your mess.

The first time I saw you, I thought:

"Look at that boy.

I'm going to love him

forever and ever and ever."

- What if you get sick of me?

- I won't.

I promise.

Hello. Sh*t.

Sh*t.

Hello. Damn it.

Okay. No.

Hello.

Cyrus.

Where the f*** are you?

Uh, sorry.

I was writing, I fell asleep.

I'll be right there.

Look, if you aren't ready

to talk about this, it's fine.

No... No, no.

I wanna show you what I have.

I think you're gonna be really excited.

Of course, I'll be excited. Okay, uh,

here's what I'll do. I'll push my lunch.

Okay. All right. Well, uh, if I leave now,

I should be there in 15 minutes.

All right.

If there isn't any traffic.

Oh, damn it. Scotty.

What?

Uh, nothing. Uh, my dog has to pee.

I'll, uh, put him in the backyard.

- I'll take him out.

Great. Thank you.

- Cal?

Cal?

Hello?

I missed you in bed last night.

Did you get some good writing done?

- Are you there?

Oh, God.

- Hey, you want a bite?

It's Crispix.

- I think I lost him.

God, it's happening.

It's really happening this time.

They're gonna hospitalize me.

What's wrong?

They all thought I was so smart,

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