Rodney Carrington: Here Comes the Truth Page #4

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Something else men wouldn't tolerate.

That math equation will never be able

to be answered in your head.

The fact that you can take your thing

and stick it in her thing,

and squirt something on some thing,

and nine months later,

something squirts out of your twat

and costs a million dollars.

[laughter]

You don't think about that.

And then when it comes out

it's that long, and about that big around.

Right out of your twat.

Not a marble. I've seen that.

[laughter]

That looks effortless.

You've got to go...

You've got to go in line to see that.

Fellas, if you walk into the bedroom

with a little sandwich bag full of marbles

you're going to catch a little sh*t.

Hold them up, shake them at her.

[female voice] "What are you doing?"

[male voice] "Well, I was online yesterday

and something made my dick real hard.

So I was going to see

if you might want to participate."

"What is it?"

"Well...

See, I got these eight marbles

over at Walgreens.

I soaked them in hydrogen peroxide

so they're bacteria-free.

I was going to have you

stick them in your twat,

and have you spit them out one by one

with your little p*ssy muscle,

and I was going to position myself

where I could watch it,

and jack off on your forehead."

[laughter]

"Doesn't that sound like fun?

I can kind of tell by the look on

your face, you're not real into it, so..."

[laughter]

"I'm going to go get myself a pop tart."

[laughter]

You cannot watch pornography

when you're married.

There's a couple of reasons.

Number one, your spouse cannot compete

with what's on the internet.

And nor should he ever have to.

[laughter]

If we believe the internet,

we have to believe

that every dick is a foot long.

And if that's the case,

I'm going to have to move to China.

[laughter]

[Chinese voice]

"You've got big dick, cowboy."

"Only here, Chingaling, only here.

Back in the States, I'm all balls."

[laughter]

What happens when you watch pornography

is, it's never enough.

Fellas, you know this.

You sick motherfuckers.

Because I'm one of you. It's never enough.

If you watch pornography,

it is never enough.

You might find something you like

and go back to it ten times.

But eventually, it ain't weird enough.

It ain't weird enough. You know why?

Same part of your brain that operates

when you watch pornography:

same part of your brain that operates

when you get hooked on heroin.

Yeah.

I learned this in church.

[laughter]

That's the truth. Think about it.

Nobody starts with heroin.

You start with wine coolers,

work your way up.

Wine coolers, beer, whiskey,

pot, cocaine, pills...

After that you're shooting up,

you've lost maybe 70 pounds,

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