Robin Williams: Live on Broadway Page #7

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Canada's like a loft apartment over a really great party.

Keep it down, eh!

We are nice. We have Jean Chrétien, our great prime minister.

He was the only man in the world: "I don't need no secret

service"

"If a guy comes to hit me, I f***ing knock him out eh."

"I'm Jean Chrétien. First was your president, who's a

cretin".

Quebec is going to break away from Canada, but still keep the

currency.

It's like a kid moving out of the house,

"but I still would like to get money". F*** off you!

Canadian money is also called "the Looney".

How can you take an economic crisis seriously?

- The Looney is down! - Oh, how sad for you!

What are you saying, eh?

Everyone was so happy that at the Olympics the security was

so tight.

Security was amazing at the Olympics.

You chose the whitest f***ing State in the Union!

An Arab in Utah is like an albino at the Apollo. You would

notice!

- I found one! - It's just Ted. Everybody out!

The problem was that there was basically white powder

everywhere.

All the dogs looking for Anthrax were going:

"You go, man, you go!"

Pour dogs they looked for Anthrax and cocaine.

In the cage at the end of the day they're going:

"I can't taste my ass, I don't know why?"

"It's my tail!"

Meanwhile your cat sits over there going:

"You're still an a**hole, you know that".

Is it me, or are cat's drag queens?

The way they kinda go: 'Who loves Kitty?'

"Are these your shoes?"

Who loves Kitty? Who loves Kitty?

Male cats have an amazing thing,

kinda walk around going: "That's mine!"

"Mine!"

"I like that too."

Thank God men aren't like that!

"Nice car, Bob. Mine now!"

- What are you doing? - Just shopping!

The whole Anthrax thing had people going...

They said:
"Don't open your mail!"

- Why? - There's white powder in envelopes.

Really?!

Your mother and I used to look for white powder in envelopes.

We weren't on-line. We did lines, my friend.

And there were ninjas on the f***ing line, trying to kill us.

And now, there are people trying to kill us.

And that's why I bought a gas mask.

I can't even get a condom on when I want to!

"Hey, baby. Yeah, I got a love glove. Hold on."

"I'll be right with you, honey."

"Don't go away on me now."

You're playing "Beat the cock".

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