Ricky Gervais: Out of England 2 - The Stand-Up Special Page #5

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Suck his cock,

come on."

"I... I don't

like cock, father."

"'Doesn't like cock.'

How would you know

if you've never tried it?

Ah! Suck his cock."

"I don't..."

"Suck one cock. Suck..."

"Ugh." "Well, that's not sucking it.

That's playing with it.

Put it in your mouth.

Put it..."

"Ugh. Oh."

"Look, have a go.

You might like it."

"Ugh."

"It's not so bad, is it?"

"No, it's not.

I f***ing love these!"

If that happened,

then being gay

would be the same as being fat.

But it doesn't,

so it's not, okay?

I was on a plane last year

going from New York

to L.A.

And me and my girlfriend

were on one side of the plane.

There was the aisle.

And the other side...

There were these two huge, fat men.

Proper proper proper fat.

One of them just got on and went,

"Can I have a belt extension?"

"Yeah, of course you can.

You've earned it."

So... proper...

In fact, I was thinking

of calling the pilot out

and going, "Should one of us

swap with one of them?

Otherwise we're just

going to Canada.

Do you know

what I mean?"

And one of them was even

fatter than the other one.

She was there and she'd

got on the plane

with one of those take-away

buckets of fast food.

Bucket!

I mean,

there's your first clue.

When did that happen?

When did fat people

just give up?

When did they go into a shop

and go, "Oh, f*** it.

Just treat me like

a farmyard animal."

"Really?"

"Give me it in a bucket.

In fact, just strap it to my f***in' head

and I'll just..."

"A bucket? Really?

You want your meal

in a bucket?"

"Yes."

So she's there

and she's chowing down.

And I swear she turns

to her fat friend and says,

"This is the best fried chicken

I've had all day."

But I'm not having a go.

I'm not having a go.

No, I'm not.

No, I'm not.

Because even though

it is their own fault...

and it is their own fault...

I don't know if you know this

about fat people...

They f***ing love cake.

They love it.

They love it, right?

And I blame

the food industries,

because you go

into a supermarket

and it's just packed

with that stuff.

Everything's packed

with hydrogenated fats

and extra calories and sugar

and butter and everything.

And they...

they love that.

And there's always a big door,

isn't there, to a supermarket.

There's always a...

They've got a quadruple door, isn't it?

No one's ever been too fat to get through

the door of a supermarket, okay?

And it opens automatically,

so they don't have to

waste calories

pushing anything.

There's just...

And it's a good job it opens automatically

because usually it's glass and they

can see the pie from down the road

and they're in like that.

Grazing, right?

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