Return of the Scarecrow Page #5

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AND HAD SEX?

AND GOT DRUNK, AND HIGH.

AND LET'S NOT FORGET,

SOMEBODY DEFILED THE SCARECROW.

AND IT GOT THEM ALL.

EXCEPT...

THE VIRGIN.

[all together]

EXCEPT THE VIRGIN.

WELL, I GUESS I DON'T HAVE TO

TELL THE REST OF THE STORY,

SINCE YOU ALL HAVE I FIGURED OUT.

WAIT, SO...

WAS ALL THIS UP AT THE LAKE,

BY THE HILLS?

AYE, T'WAS, T'WAS.

LET ALL WARY TRAVELERS BEWARE,

SPOIL NOT NATURE.

HEY, WE ARE

ONLY GOING CAMPING.

YEAH, YOU'RE KINDA

HARSHING OUR BUZZES.

YOU CITY FOLK:

ARE ALL THE SAME,

TRAIPSIN' THROUGH NATURE

AND GOIN' WHERE

YOU AREN'T WANTED.

YOU NEED TO LEARN TO RESPEC WHAT ISN'T YOURS.

STRANGE AND DARK THINGS

LURK IN THE NIGHT...

AND IN THOSE WOODS.

YOU'D BEST BE CAREFUL.

[ CLATTERING ]

DAMN IT, DOC!

STOP MAKIN' A MESS!

SORRY, JO.

I GOT ALL CAUGHT UP

IN YOUR STORY.

THIS ISN'T FUNNY, GUYS.

OH, SHE'S JUS TRYING TO SCARE US.

WE WOULD HAVE HEARD ABOUT THIS.

I MEAN, WHY WASN'T I ON THE NEWS?

WAIT A MINUTE,

HOLD THE GODDAMN PHONE.

DOC, DID YOU SAY?

AS IN, DOC FROM THE STORY?

AND THEN, JO?

JO IS SHORT FOR JOSEPHINE?

WAIT, SO YOUR COUSIN WAS

KILLED BY THE SCARECROW?

AND RALPH?

POOR RALPH?

CLEARLY, DOC AND JOSEPHINE

WERE MEMBERS OF THE COVEN

THAT WAS TERRORIZING THE TOWN.

AT LEAST, JOSEPHINE WAS.

WHAT THE F***?

PAY ATTENTION TO THE STORY.

[ LAUGHING ]

HOW ABOUT THIS,

CAN WE GET ONE MORE

ROUND OF SHOTS?

I'LL PICK UP THE TAB, AND THEN

WE'LL GET OUT OF YOUR HAIR.

WOULD YOU STOP THAT?

WHAT?

YOU'RE NOT MY MOM,

QUIT TELLIN' ME WHAT TO DO.

THERE YOU GO, ON THE HOUSE.

WHY THANK YOU, LADY.

I'M REALLY NOT SURE

I WANT ONE.

FINE, YOU CAN DRIVE.

SALUTE!

NOSTROVIA.

HERE'S TO A WEEKEND,

AND HONOR.

HA, YOU WISH!

OH, BEC.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETIME.

DON'T YOU MEAN SHOW HER?

EW...

HEY, WHATEVER.

LET'S JUST TAKE THESE SHOTS.

I GOTTA RUN TO:

THE LITTLE BOY'S ROOM.

YOU SAID IT, NOT US.

WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS THIS WAY?

WHAT WAY?

YOU'RE JUST WAVING AT ME.

[ LAUGHING ]

YUP.

WHY DID YOU DO THA TO YOUR HAIR?

[ CHUCKLING ]

YOU'RE ALWAYS

ACTING LIKE MY MOM, GOD.

SHOT?

YEAH.

HOLY SH*T.

OH, F***.

YO, HOLY SH*T.

IS THIS DOC RIGHT HERE?

WHAT THE F***, DOC?

YOU WERE OLD BACK THEN, TOO?

HEY, DON'T BE RUDE.

I'VE STAYED YOUNG

ALL THESE YEARS.

MAN, I HOPE TO LOOK

HALF AS GOOD AS YOU, MAN,

WHEN I'M WHATEVER AGE YOU ARE.

AND THEY SAY BLACK DON'T CRACK,

F***.

[ CHUCKLING ]

OH MY GOD,

JOSEPHINE, IS THAT YOU?

YOU WERE SO PRETTY.

YOU'RE STILL SO PRETTY!

YOU'RE TOO KIND.

IS THAT RALPH AND GEORGE?

THEY'RE CUTE.

ALL RIGHT,

THAT'S ENOUGH REMINISCING.

YOU GUYS GO ON, HAVE FUN.

BE SAFE.

DOC.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR BEING SO NICE.

COOL BAR.

I HATE CAMPING.

I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK.

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