Red State Page #3

- I'm workin' on it.

- Almost. Almost.

Takes me a few beers

to work up to the sex.

So get drinkin',

'cause I ain't drinkin' alone.

And I don't let no man in me

unless he's got at least two beers in him.

Thank you, ma'am.

Makes sense.

This is nice.

Will you close your f***in' legs?

It's like a shag.

So how's about you head back

into the bedroom...

start strippin' down

so we can get this thing started.

Yes, ma'am.

Almost don't even fit in here.

Get them beers drunk.

This b*tch wants my dick, don't she?

She is a lot better looking.

Them tits ain't nothin'

to write home about.

Those tits are...

F***!

What the f***?

F***in' roofies.

Hello?

Guys?

Is that you, Travis? Billy-Ray?

On a hill far away

All right, guys, come on.

Seriously, let me outta here.

Can you just let me outta here, please?

The emblem of suffering...

Guys, this isn't f***in' funny, all right?

Will you let me outta here, please!

What the f*** is going on?

Let me the f*** outta here,

please, all right?

This isn't funny anymore.

This isn't f***in' funny anymore.

This isn't funny anymore, man.

Come on, let me the f*** out!

I swear to God,

I'm gonna f***in' kill you!

Let me out!

If you guys don't let me

the f*** outta here, I'm gonna kill you!

I will cherish

The old rugged cross

Will you find somebody to...

Can somebody please let me outta here?

Please?

- Lucas, sit down.

- F***in' b*tch.

Hey, you f***in' b*tch!

Let me the f*** outta here,

you f***in' b*tch!

The old rugged cross

F***!

And exchange it someday

For a crown

Well, how about that?

That was lovely.

Just lovely.

Y'all give that Mormon Tabernacle Choir

a run for their money.

You know what this is?

That's a printout of what we done today.

That's an article that appears

in tomorrow's Post.

You know what that's called?

National coverage.

- Sure was.

- Indeed, it was.

Abigail...

TiVo'd the segment on the 5:00 news.

Y'all can watch it later if you want to...

and see yourselves on the TV.

Yeah, tell you what

we gonna do next week.

We gonna paint the garage.

I know how you love that,

but we gonna paint.

Someone, please!

Come on, please!

I need big, strong volunteers.

How about you?

How about you? You big and strong?

RJ?

Show me how Popeye do.

Popeye!

Yeah, oh, wow! Don't hurt me, Popeye.

Oh, Popeye, don't hurt me.

Will somebody please

let me the f*** outta here!

Caleb, come on, now.

That's a bit much. Now, come on, come on.

No! F***! F***!

- Welcome, family.

- Good evenin'.

- Good evenin', Granddaddy.

- Good evenin', Grandpa.

Good evening.

But what's so good about it?

Psalms 117, verse 24.

"This is the day which the Lord hath made.

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