Qwerty Page #5

Yeah. Nice.

Well...

...sh*t.

[DOORBELL]

Hi, Mucky.

Wow. You look really nice.

Thank you. You look...

Really, really nice.

Thank you.

I was gonna get you flowers,

but all the ones I could afford

looked like sh*t.

And then I remembered the

sneezing thing.

Yeah. Flowers are bad.

Balloons are great.

You're not allergic to latex,

are you?

No. I love it.

The balloon, I mean.

I have a coupon. So, you might

as well look at your menu.

I'm gonna get a goddam job soon,

you know?

I know.

Places like this make me

feel like sh*t.

Why?

I don't know.

My dad used to take me to

places like this

...when he won at the track.

He always wanted to fit in,

you know?

be just like them,

but we weren't.

Not even close.

And I never want to be

like my dad, so...

I never want to be like

these people.

But they look so happy.

"I simply must have that

Mercedes in medium sky-blue.

Not light sky-blue,

and not dark sky-blue."

"I need those papers on my desk

by seven a.m. sharp. No excuses.

[LAUGHS]

"And how was your day,

Chazwick?"

"I sold some stocks.

And some bonds...

and then, I shot three under

par-r-r at the club."

"Hmph. Lovely."

"And you?"

"I had my nails done

and lunched with the girls."

"I myself took a..."

[CLEARS THROAT]

"A long, long lunch. And, um,

bought myself a new suit."

"My, don't you look dapper."

[LAUGHS]

"Thank you."

[LAUGHTER]

And how, how was Zoe's day?

I played a game of Scrabble

and scored three bingos!

Wait, were you... were you

playing Scrabble or bingo?

Bingo's when you use

all 7 tiles in one word.

Oh!

That is amazing. And I managed

to go all the live-long day

without referring

to someone as an a**hole.

That's amazing!

Yes. I also met

this fine gentleman

at a job interview

who shared my passion

for pistachios.

[LAUGHS]

We're going into business

together.

I'll be a millionaire

by the end of the week.

That's nuts!

Yes. I'll be King of the nuts.

[LAUGHS]

Sounds like we've both had a

really good day.

Yeah.

[LAUGHTER]

I had fun tonight, Mucky.

Yeah.

It didn't suck.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

[LAUGHTER]

[MUFFLED LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHTER]

[MOAN]

Woo!

Thank God you bought that

family-size box of condoms.

That's the first time wishful

thinking has ever paid off!

Plus you save a lot when

you buy in bulk.

[LAUGHTER]

[DOORBELL]

Finally, pizza! I'm starving.

[DOORBELL]

God damn 'im.

he's supposed to f***ing

take the money

from underneath the mat

and leave the pizza.

[DOORBELL, DOORBELL, DOORBELL]

Dammit! Can't anybody follow

directions anymore!?! [DOORBELL]

Leave the pizza, take the money!

[KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK]

The guy from Hong Kong Kitchen

last night

knew what the

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes