Queen of Earth Page #5

it just was something

that was completely empty.

And hollow.

And it just made me realise that I'm just in

this self-perpetuating cycle of defeat,

where I can't get out of it,

because I can't get out of it,

because I can't get out of it...

I need some time...

It's one of the worst tendencies

of human nature,

to assume the best of others.

You remember Chad?

- So, we were friends, right?

- Mm.

Whatever that means in middle school,

and...

He was my first kiss.

Over the years,

we were in the same friend group, and...

I don't think he ever...

knew he was my first kiss, anyway.

We never talked about it.

But I'd say...

throughout high school, graduation,

college, he was like...

top-20, all-time good friends.

And, then, after college,

for whatever reason,

we started seeing a lot of one another.

And... we'd hang out, like,

a couple times a week.

Go to concerts, have dinner.

And, then, we were

just... suddenly... together,

hooking up and...

spending the night at his place

and mine, you know...

And it was summer.

It was great.

It was absolutely

one of those summer things, where...

All my memories of that time are...

intricately connected to him.

But he was going to grad school,

or law school or something...

So, around July, I start telling him,

you know, this is going where it's going.

It's not going to grad school

with him, and...

He says he gets it, but then,

things start to get more serious,

and it becomes clear to me that

he hasn't been in a serious relationship

in a long time.

So, I keep reminding him that...

we're headed for a dead end,

and he says,

"Yeah, I get it. It's fine. I get it."

And I believe him.

And then, suddenly, it's August,

and before he's even gone, he's already...

talking about me coming to visit him

and a trip he has planned

to come back and...

in October...

So...

I say no.

That's not gonna happen.

None of that is real.

And he thinks I'm joking.

He basically ignores it all.

So, then he's gone, and within...

a week or two,

I'm seeing somebody else, and...

he's still calling, all the time, and...

one night, some Saturday night, I'm...

out in a bar and...

he calls and he's giving me the business

about being out

at two or three in the morning, and I just

snapped and was screaming at him.

Telling him he was a delusional bastard,

and I can't believe what I'm hearing,

and I want to have nothing to do with him.

So, that's that.

It's September now, and...

I don't hear from him or anything,

until Christmas, when he's back...

around, obviously.

And, so, we're all at a bar.

I don't know where you were

during all of this.

Maybe you were away that year,

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